"No, my nose is not running. The inside of my nostrils are sweating, there is a difference.
No, the cat is not dead. She just hasn't moved for ten hours. Why? Cause that's the coolest spot in the house and she's not letting anyone else have it.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a nap in my car. The only thing I own with an air conditioner.
What do you mean, my husband took it to work? Damn him to hell!