Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,

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A very large bug got into my place today. And by large, I'm talking large by New England standards. It was maybe 2" long, rather beetle like with a fair amount of legs (six maybe? I didn't stop to count or buy it shoes, so I can't be sure) waving antena. It reminded me of a large, ugly roach. I have no clue what type of bug it was, I don't care. It somehow managed to get into my apartment. Yes, I know you who live in the South have bugs that would make my bug look like a premature baby, but I don't live down South. I'm used to bugs that generally don't grow beyond the size of a dime.

I'm not the type that freaks out completely over bugs, except for those 2" long ones with a billion legs that when they walk, they look like their skin is rippling and that exoskelatin is going to rip apart and a much bigger, much uglier bug, one that will be about my size will come crawling out. So, when I turned on the light and saw this massive bug, I blinked and stopped. I did not scream, I just stared at said bug and debated my options.

I was close enough so I could have grabbed an empty coffee can, put it over said bug, slid something under the can and trapped the bug. Downfall to this? Sometimes it's hard to get something under the can. Those bugs can be very clingy and I didn't want to fight it.

I could have stepped on the bug, but I was wearing socks and the size of that bug indicated that it would make a hell of a crunch. I did not want to scrape a pound of bug guts off my sock, nor did I want to hear a bug crunch so loud that it would register on the rictor scale.

I wasn't close enough to grab a magazine or newspaper to slam on bug, and even if I had been, I would have been terrified that the bug would be too big to be killed by paper and even if I did manage, I'd have to deal with the extra loud crunch and the splatter marks that a bug that size would be bound to make all over my kitchen.

So, I stood there, pondering what I was going to do. The bug was quiet, I think the light startled him, but his little antena were quivering, no doubt picking up on the fact that I was in the room, and sending out a signal to his bug buddies that if enough could gather, they might be able to take me out.

I stared at the bug.

The bug stared at me. Well, maybe not, it's hard to tell with a bug. But, it was faced in my direction.

I went over my options.

The bug went over recipes in his bugmind on how to serve mankind. It wondered if I had hotsauce in the apartment, because human tastes delicious with hotsauce. (Okay, I admit, I'm making up what the bug is thinking, I cannot read a bugs mind. But it seemed to make sense that this was what the bug was thinking about)

Chrissy comes wandering into the kitchen, because she's convinced that any time anyone goes into the kitchen, it is with only one purpose in mind, to feed her. Since you must go into the kitchen to use the bathroom, or to leave the apartment, I have to admire her optimistic attitude. I only feed the cats once a day, but I walk through the kitchen probably well over a dozen times. To believe that every single time I walk into the kitchen, I will feed her, is a tribute to her optimism. Not her intelligence certainly, but her optimism.

She sees the bug and freezes. Her back goes up and she hisses and skitters behind me. "What is that?" her hissing says. She looks up at me, her eyes narrowed, clearly blaming me for this. I'm in the kitchen, clearly I must have invited this bug over for tea and catfood.

Goten comes running in. He looks at the bug, then goes over and sniffs the bug. The bug stares at him. Goten reaches out and gently pats the bug with his paw, making the bug play dead. Goten looks at me and chirps as if to say, "Oh boy, my own pet! Neat!"

Then, Jesse comes wandering in. He looks at Chrissy, he looks at me, he looks at Goten, then he sees the bug. His eyes go amazingly wide. He runs over and stands in front of me and Chrissy. "Don't worry, fair maidens, I shall protect you!"

Then, in a clear move of bravery and valentry, he leaps over Goten, lands on the bug, squashing it, and then eats it.

Okay, so, Lancelot probably wouldn't have eaten the bug, but for a cat, it was pretty knight like.
Tags: amusing cat stories, cat tales, cats, jesse james

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