Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,
Darqstar
darqstar

  • Mood:
  • Music:

One cat, two cats, three cats, NO MORE!

I have often said that I like to find cats with lots of personality. It's one of my more... interesting traits.

It also lends itself to an interesting life around our place. And Jesse James is fitting right in the "Lots of personality" catagory, which of course means that I just love him to bits.

It also means there are many times I want to wring is scrawny little neck.

I thought, back when he was New York, and believed to be female, that he might be an alpha cat. I'm changing that view, because the feline higharchy has been shaken up in this apartment. Which, of course, has lead to interrupted nights of sleep as cats have run into each other and don't like it One Little Bit.

Chrissy and Jesse have a pretty good understanding, except that Jesse insists on sniffing her nose several times a day. Don't ask me why, don't ask Chrissy either. But, she'll be sleeping on the couch, going to eat some crunchies, using the litterbox, and suddenly, Jesse will tear off after her, get about three feet away from her, stop, stare, then lean over and ever so gently, sniff her nose.

On these many occations, if I am a witness, Chrissy gives me this look like, "Don't lie to me, Mom, I know this...thing was your idea."

At that moment, I shake my head and say, "No, it wasn't, it was Daddy, I swear."

She's not falling for it.



The first week, Jesse mostly ate, slept, and insisted on cuddling. Oh yes, and sniffed Chrissy's nose. Goten and him kept a fairly wide distance from each other, like they'd managed to come to some agreement. "As long as you are at least three feet from me, we'll get along fine. Step one toe across that invisible barier, and hissing shall commence."

Then, yesterday, they seemed to figure out they could touch each other. And this was not necessarily a good thing.

It started that morning. I go out into the kitchen to pick up their plates after eating. Goten is playing is favorite game of getting in my way, and trying to kill me, so I scoop him up and hold him in one arm... (No easy feat, considering he's very large and when scooped up, has this amazing ability to make all his bones instantly disolve, so it's like trying to hold onto a sack of jello) and pick up the plates.

I guess Jesse saw this and sniggered in some cat noise that humans cannot hear, because when I put Goten down, he stalked over to Jesse and pummeled the crap out of him. He didn't scratch him, no claws were out, but he slapped him with his paws several times so hard, that I could hear a snap in the air as Goten flicked his paws back and prepared to slam them down.

Jesse just stared at him, like his whole world was shaken apart. "What did I do? What did I do!?"

Goten sticks his nose in the air, clearly saying, "You know exactly what you did and don't deny it!" Then, proving he's way too cool for anymore of this, he stalks off to use the litter box.

Jesse looks at me, his expression suggesting I go and "talk" to Goten about this, "talking" being another word for "Grab him about his neck and throttle him into the wall."

While I have sympathy for Jesse, being the newcomer, I also know that these things must straighten themselves out, so I shake my head. "Sorry, Darlin' you're on your own."

Jesse thinks for a moment, then rises to his feet.

Goten is in the litterbox, doing his usual game of digging in the back of the box. He will dig for hours and hours to the left of the box, until he's got a nice, empty spot. Why, I have no idea, because he inevitably turns around, craps on the right side of the box, jumps out of the box and begins scratching at the floor, no doubt to make sure the scent of his little treasure gets a chance to waft around the house.

Jesse decides that he's no ones fool, and he must get revenge. I can see the little geers in his brain working, no doubt excersizing those three or four cells to their limit. He stalks over to an unsuspecting Goten, and merits out the punishment Goten so richly deserves for having the nerve to beat on him.

He sniffs Goten's butt.

Unlike people, cats don't want their rear ends sniffed and kissed. I think that's one of the many reasons why I like cats so much. In the cat kingdom, the head cat gets to sniff butts and no one else. I'd love it if the human world worked that way. "Hello Darqstar, before you get to work, let me sniff your butt."

"Sure thing, boss."

Goten whips around and glares at Jesse, anger written all over his feline face. How dare this little interloper sniff his butt! How dare Jesse get a whiff of his fantastical butt scent, the powerful odor that has woken people up from a dead sleep?

Head held high, Jesse trots off, looking so pleased you'd think he'd just climbed Mt. Everest and found a way to turn used kitty litter into clean fule that would enable a car to get 300 miles to the gallon.

Goten forgets he needs to use the litterbox, leaps out, and chases after Jesse, thwaking his rear end, this time with the claws out.

Jesse, yowls, more in startlement than pain, and runs into the bathroom.

Goten waits outside the door, making not a peep.

A few moments later, Jesse pokes his head out. Goten has posititioned himself in such a way, that he really can't be seen. Jesse is now determined that he's won and wanders out.

The moment his whole body is out of the bathroom, Goten leaps out of hiding and smacks his ass. Jesse whirls around, hisses loudly, and Goten goes running into the bathroom. Jesse takes Goten's old place and waits.

Goten waits, then comes out of the bathroom. Jesse leaps out and swacks him on the butt.

And they decide to do this...over and over and over again.

Todd comes home, they're still doing it.

I make breakfast, they're still doing it.

We eat breakfast, game is still on.

We start to take bets that this will happen all day, but then Chrissy walks into the doorway, stops, and just stares. For several minutes she watches this game, an expression of disgust and lothing on her face.

Then, when they're at that "we're both in the doorway, close to each other" she leaps forward, smacks them both on the nose as if to say, "BAD KITTENS, NO COOKIE!"

Both cats stare at her, then at each other, and slink away.

Chrissy looks up at me as if to say, "That's the way you do it, morons."
Tags: cats, chrissy, goten
Subscribe

  • Goten

    Yes, I know that I haven't updated this in years. But, if anyone who used to be around here is around here? Who knows me from the days when I used…

  • Writer's Block: Riddle me this

    Why people get all up in arms about gay marriage, or any personal arrangement. 1: If you believe that God doesn't find this acceptable, that's…

  • (no subject)

    To all who celebrate? Merry Christmas To everyone, warmest wishes for the rest of this, and in the coming year. Merry Christmas, Dad, it…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 17 comments

  • Goten

    Yes, I know that I haven't updated this in years. But, if anyone who used to be around here is around here? Who knows me from the days when I used…

  • Writer's Block: Riddle me this

    Why people get all up in arms about gay marriage, or any personal arrangement. 1: If you believe that God doesn't find this acceptable, that's…

  • (no subject)

    To all who celebrate? Merry Christmas To everyone, warmest wishes for the rest of this, and in the coming year. Merry Christmas, Dad, it…