Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,

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I dislike idiots, does that make me a moronophobic?

I'm a wuss and I admit it. I see controversial stuff all over the place, and I so want to comment, but half the time I don't, simply because there's too much of this, "Look! Two people disagreed passionately about something. Let's quote this in another community, for the sole purpose of making fun of these people, cause you know, if you take the time to disagree with anything you see on the net, it really means you have no life, you take things too seriously, you're mentally masturbating, I have the right to mock you for hours, all of the above."

Of course, that's a rant I've done too many times already. And so is this one. But I'll do it anyway, 'cause I like to rant and rave, it helps me get out my frustrations and allows me to face the day with a better attitude. "Ah, that's good, I have pleased my inner bitch. I shall now go forward and be a better person for it."

So, once again, I shall rant...

I am a straight woman. I am apparently a very unusual straight woman, because I don't immedietly cream my jeans and swoon over the mere thought of two guys having sex. I don't do it over the idea of two girls having sex either.

I'm going to be honest here, and I can already picture the hatred I will inspire, but I'll risk it. At the best, I find two guys having sex boring. At worst, it squicks me out. This doesn't make me a homophobe. No, it doesn't. Stop shaking your head like that, because NO IT DOESN'T! I don't care what people do when they're in private, but that doesn't mean I have to find it erotic. I am fully in favor of gay marrage, gay adoption, etc. Not because I find homosexuals to be so "darling" or "erotic" but because they're human beings, just like me, and if I can marry the type of legal age human being I find attractive and make a life with them, so should anyone else. But, just because I feel that "Adam and Steve" have every right to have a wedding, live next door to me, get a family medical plan through their employers, and adopt children, doesn't mean I now should feel all hot and bothered at the thought of what they're doing when they're alone.

I can hear some of you now saying, "Okay, Darq, that could explain why you don't like slash, but there's a big difference between not liking something and hating it. Hate implies a passion. Do you really hate Slash?"

To which I answer, "Yes I do."

I've stated several times, several reasons, time for some more.

I don't like the blanket excuse it gives writers to write lousy stories without any fear of reproach. No matter what you tell some slash writers, no matter how truthful you are, too many of them dismiss any and all of your complaints as you're homophobic. Which leaves me to wonder if "Non homophobics" are also some special breed who can tolerate pisspoor writing and actually think it's good stuff. Tell me, are "non homophobes" all idiots? 'Cause if someone pointing out that sentences should all begin with capitol letters or that a spell check might be a useful thing to do, since you can't spell cat without a Q, makes me a homophobe, then well, I guess we'll have to deal with it won't we?

I also don't like the way it gives writers a license to break from canon and not only to break from it, but for it to be considered at the worst, all right at the best, esential. I've actually talked to slash writers who have the freakin' balls to tell me that they dislike stories that break from canon. When I point out that their favorite person to write about often isn't gay, they act like I've insulted them. "Oh, well, that's different!" No it isn't. Breaking canon is breaking canon. If a character is meant to be straight and you made them gay, you broke canon and you broke it badly. What if I decided to write a Harry Potter fanfiction, but I decided that Harry was a girl. I have broken canon and no one would say otherwise. So, why is changing someone from straight into gay considered not only acceptable, but you can do it and still claim you're a canon whore? No, sorry, you're not.

Charaters becoming grossly OOC. Psst... I'll tell you a secret. Gay men are not women. I know, I know, what a shock right? Oh, what's that? Oh, okay, you knew that all along! Sorry, but a lot of you didn't because the first thing you do when you decide to make characters gay, is turn one of them into a woman. And not only does one or both of them become women, but they become really bad women to boot. They become over emotional little simpering babies that I want to belt across the face. Or else they become she-ra the bitch goddess from hell. Yes, you're allready guilty of breaking from canon, like it or not, at least make an honest, sincere, effort to keep these folks in character.

Oddly, all the things I hate about slash, I hate about any fanfiction, it isn't the sex scenes. Hell, if it was only the sex scenes that bothered me, I could just skip over them. But it's a little hard to skip over the idea that someone has completely changed their personality and canon is but a dream I once had.

Slash is a lot like these people who write AU/OOC stories. Yes, they exist. They crack me up too. "Okay, my story takes place in an alternative world where Harry is actually a three toed sloth. And, I have him acting completely out of character too, cause well, he's a sloth now, and sloths don't act like people. ENJOY!" If that is what inspires you, then for god's sake, write the story as original. You can even name your strange sloth creature "Harry" if it so inspires you.

AU/AR alone can be delt with. Some darned good stories have been written in an AU. But, if you're going to mess with AU/AR, it's twice as important to stay in character. Yes, a few things can be different.... if you're writing a Harry Potter AU where his parents raised him, Harry being a bit more self confident would be expected. However, a Harry that suddenly became an arrogant wretch would be pushing it. Even if you can explain why it happened, why would I want to read about it? I like Harry for who he is, if I wanted to read a story about an arrogant wretch, I'll read something else.

I've said this before too... the fanfiction pool is big enough for everyone. We're only limited by our own imagination. If you want to write slash, feel free. However, please stop playing the persecuted minority. Please stop accusing everyone of being homophobic just because we don't fall at your feet and worship your masterpeice.

Yes, for every rule there is the exception, and I'm sure there is some awesome slash fiction out there and I'm sure there are many slash writers who do care about their craft and don't use the blanket excuse of "You're a homophobe" to anyone who doesn't worship their writing.

But, the odds are still good that your story is too freakin' weird for me. 'Cause I can't deal with a major shift in someone's character and like it or not, to take someone and change their sexual orientation is too much of a break from canon.

If I have to be tolerant and accepting of your right to write slash, you'd better start getting more tolerant of my right to dislike it. It doesn't mean I'm evil.

And quit accusing everyone who doesn't squee over gay sex of being a homophobe. I don't like peas, but that doesn't mean I have an unnatural fear of them and want to wipe them out of existance, or that I believe pea farmers should be beaten or pea plants tortured and killed. It just means I don't eat them. Same with disliking homosexual sex. It just means that I don't want to watch/listen to/read about two people of the same gender having sex. It's not my kink, it's not my thing. Hey, you know what? I also get completely squicked at the idea of my parents having sex. Does that mean I've got an unnatural fear or hatred of my parents? Does that mean I want my parents tortured? No, it just means I really don't want to know what they do in graphic detail when the lights are out.

Honest, if I had the space and ambition, I'd start an archive devoted only to hetero fanfiction. Just to see how many slash fans and writers got their panties in a wad over it. 'Cause it seems perfectly acceptable to have a slash only archive, but I don't see many hetero only archives..Well, actually, I don't think you could call it a hetero archive, because if someone wrote a Brokeback Mountain fanfiction where the main characters looked at each other and said, "Wow, this was fun, but you know what? I really am straight!" I wouldn't allow that either. I think I'd call it, "To Their Own Selves Be True."

I'll bet I'd end up spending less time explaining that name than I did explaining why I named my X-Men archive "Shifting Sands."
Tags: fanfiction, writing

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