Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,

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"But if I just try a little harder, I know it will work!"

Cats are remarkable creatures with such grace, style, and flexibility, that thoughout history, they have been credited as having magical powers. Of course in this day of science and technology, we know that while cats are a remarkably well built animal, a tribute to evolution coming up with a near perfect design for a small, carnivor, we know that cats do not have magical powers.

Or do we?

There are some that still are convinced cats do have magical powers and nothing you can do or say will pursuade them otherwise. Show them articles explaining exactly how cats work and they will yawn in your face. Sit them in front of a TV with cat documentary after cat documentary, telling them all about cats amazing muscle structure, sense of smell, hearing, and taste, which helps to explain why cats may seem magical, but are not, and they will fall asleep or lick their privates. Because you see, it's cats themselves that believe they posess magical powers.

We're in that midseason stretch in New England, that says, "It's spring, nope, it's summer. Wait a moment, here's winter!" A very confusing time of year, especially for Goten. One minute we're opening the window so he can get some air, the next we're shutting it before frost builds up on his whiskers. One minute there's a pile of dirty sweatshirts and sweatpants for him to roll around in, the next it's a pile of T-shirts, still dirty, but thinner, thus less fun to sink claws in for several hours at a time. So, I do understand why Goten is feeling baffled.

However, there is one delightful aspect of Spring that Goten cannot get enough of and even the peculiar weather patterns can't seem to stop and that is lots of birds fluttering about. The people across the street have a bird feeder, our landlady has a bird feeder. Thus, we have lots of birds. Goten doesn't seem to understand about bird feeders, Goten believes he summons birds with his magical bird call.

Goten's magical bird call consists of him standing in the window ledge, flicking just the tip of his tail back and forth so rapidly, it almost appears to be just an orange and white blur, and then chattering his teeth, while strange noises come from his throat. Why he feels this will summon birds is beyond me, but since it does often seem that birds are a result of this, he might be onto something. If indeed he is calling birds, I've lost any and all respect I ever had for birds. What type of creature would come when one of its most brutal enemies calls for it? It would be like if I whistled and a cheeseburger came to see what was going on. Not smart.

This isn't the end of Goten's magical powers in his mind. Once he does his magical bird call, summoning the birds into the driveway, the problem remains that the birds are outside and he is inside. He has tried for the five years or so we've owned him, to convince us to bring the birds inside, but us being the stupid humans we are, just refuse to bend to his whims. This means he needs to get outside.

He used to try to dart out every time the door opened or closed. However, we were always able to thwart him, because there are another two doors he must pass through before getting outside and we've usually got them blocked off. So, that trick isn't going to work.

The next course of action is to draw on his magical powers to try to melt the window. The incantation he must make? A low noise coming from the back of the throat that sounds like a cross between a moan and a growl. At least that's what it sounds like to me. I'm sure to him, he's speaking in some ancient cat dialog, no doubt saying something like
Magical glass melt away
It is not your place to stay
Dissapear at the sound of my words
So I can go out and kill those birds!
Or, maybe he's just saying, "Melt, melt, melt, melt, melt you stupid window, melt and melt NOW!"

The guestures needed for this spell involve him taking his right paw, raising it to the window and rubbing it along the glass in such a way that no matter how recently his claws have been trimmed, they still squeak along the window. This is where it gets tricky. Goten understands that glass itself is a magical item designed to thwart cats from what is rightfully theirs, so one must have patience when performing this spell and be ready to do it for a long time.

A very long time.

An extremely long time.

Like at least an hour.

Maybe two.

Might even take three-


Or, maybe three weeks. The important thing is to never give up. The spell is such that he can take breaks to nourish himself and maybe even a five minute catnap to refresh himself, but beyond that, he must be at the window, saying is incantation, doing his hand guestures. It doesn't matter that it's the middle of the night and his human pet (me) might be trying to sleep. Or that its daylight and the human pets might want to listen to anything but that goddamned wailing and scratching! Nothing must keep him from performing the spell, for Goten knows it's just a matter of time before the glass magcially bows to his whims and he shall be able to walk outside.

Once he figures out how to get past the screen, that is.
Tags: cats, goten

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