Ever write something so damned vile you're stuck between being in total awe of yourself or thinking, That's it, I have crossed the line, I am one sick bitch ?
Back when I wrote Through The Valey of Shadows, I really thought that was about as low as I could go. Not that TTVOS was all that gross, but when I came up with the concept of Victor the badass who liked to kill people, I figured that I'd tipped into my depravity level and from here on out it was flowers and rainbows. (C'mon, I followed up TTVOS with XS, the Sunshine and Puppy series...for the most part) I have since found out that TTVOS is a freaking fairy tale, compared to what else my mind can come up with.
This makes me a tad uncomfortable, only because when I wrote TTVOS, I thought that was it. Now I've pushed that. What happens in ten years, (should I live that long) will I be able to go beyond this? Will I look back on what I'm writing now and say, "Oh yeah, that was so tame, I'm so much more than that now..."
I keep telling myself as long as I'm horrified by what I'm writing, I'm still okay. When I start thinking this stuff is really cool then I pray the goverment steps in and puts my ass to sleep.
So, I'm asking... this ever happen to anyone else? Where you start to wonder if you've crossed the line between being an imaginative writer or one sick, twisted, freak?
I wonder if Steven King ever has these moments. "Oh my god, I crossed the line." If he does, then I should really be worried, cause the stuff I'm working on now makes anything by King look like a goddamned fairy tale. No, it's not the sickest stuff ever done, I'm not taking that honor. It's just for me it's the sickest I've ever done.
I can see it now, as they haul me away, people will be going, "We don't know what happened. She used to write these bouncy little stories about blue furry girls, and now look. Personally, I blame TV and the movies!"
Maybe I should just be grateful I'm not writing stories about doctors that live to shove crap up people's asses.