I keep seeing ads on TV for some new roll of toilet paper.. Charmin I believe. Cute little families of bears wiping their butts. Sorta weirds me out, cause all I can think of when I see it is the age old comeback to the obvious. "Does a bear shit in the woods?"
I've already expressed my amusement for toilet paper before and how it reflects on how we as a society have become utterly spoiled, afraid to wipe our tushies on anything softer than an angel's wing. I still stand by that. My father spent part of his growing up years using a Sears Catalog. No, I am not joking. And nope, neither he nor his family ever had to be rushed to the hospital with horrid paper cuts. I still stand by my choices in buttwiping products and that is, "Is it cheap? And is it free of perfume and dye?" I have some alergies, which means perfumes and dyes are out. Also, since I am not a cat or a dog, and do not let other sniff my butt to determine if I'm friend or foe, I don't see the need to perfume it. Showering on a regular basis keeps it clean enough.
The commercial though, pimps a new concept in toilet paper and that is this triple or quardruple sized roll. Okay, I can sorta understand this, but this roll is sooo big that it has to come with an extender for your toilet paper holder, so it can handle it.
For god's sake why?
I'll even bend on the softness part a bit. I don't see the need for baby bird wing softness for my posterior, but eh, it's a choice. But why do we need an ultra huge roll?
The answer, of course is ,"So you don't have to change it that often."
When did we become so freaking lazy? I mean, unless Todd and I have some abnormal intestinal problems, one of us ends up changing the roll about once a week. (I buy the 1000 sheet Scott rolls if I can) Maybe a little more... the averags TP consumption seems to be about five rolls a month. Generally, the policy around the house is, he/she who finishes the roll puts on the next. Generally, when it's getting down low, I will put another roll out in preparation. This isn't really necessary, you can reach the TP from the throne without too much trouble, but eh, it's convient
It takes less than a minute to change the roll. (And, this is usually done while taking care of business, so it really isn't like I'm taking away valuable time from vastly important things. "Oh, sweet Jesus, now I won't get to finish this Month's 'All In A Day's Work' in the Readers Digest!" ) I admit, since I'm home more, I end up changing the roll more, but it's only fair, I'm using it more. But, even with that, the most valuble time I'm spending frittering my life away changing toilet paper is...about three minutes a month.
"Ah, but Darqstar," you may say, thinking you have me now. "What about large families? If you have a number of people sharing the can, that rolll might need to be changed once a day! Imagine wasting 7 minutes a week on something as difficult as changing the toilet paper?"
Grow up. If there are that many people using the bathroom, then the odds that you will always be the one to change the TP roll go drastically down. So, you're probably ending up changing the roll as often as I do. Unless, of course, you have those type of housemates/family members that just refuse to change the toilet paper. If that is the case though, someone needs to sit these people down and talk to them, because either A: They're disgusting and they'd better be washin' their own underwear. or B: They're taking the paper off the roll that's waiting for use, without hanging it up. That's just rude and inconsiderate and is not a problem to be solved by cattering to their little whims and buying extra huge TP rolls so they won't have to avoid changing the roll less often. In fact, if I had one of those types in my family, I would deliberately save rolls down to the last peice and hang them up every time I thought they were going to use the bathroom, to force them to change the roll. I'd hang a sign up. "Don't be an A-hole. Change the TP roll!"
Do we really need toiletpapers rolls so huge that we need special equipment to hang them up? Is it really such a valuable time saver? Will society benifit as a whole, if people spend less than 3-5 minutes a month changing toilet paper rolls? Is it really such a mindbogglingly difficult, exasperating, angst causing task to change the toilet paper? "Oh c'mon, I worked 22 hours in the mines today, shoveling coal. My canary died. After work I had to repaint the house, wash the clothes in the river, make dinner over an open fire, and now I have to change the toilet paper? This is the last freakin' straw!"
I certainly hope so. If this catches on, I want to see a better world in a year or so. I want to see a cure for cancer. I want to see a much bigger assortment of well written novels when I go to the bookstore. I want to see more CD's available from my favorite artists. Damn it, if we really need to spend less time on such tasks, I wanna see what everyone is gong to do with allll that precious time they saved.