Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,
Darqstar
darqstar

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I went grocery shopping today, because the fun never ends at our place. I've been trying really hard to be one of those good people who actually prepares food, and in order to be able to prepare food, there is this entire process of having to go to said store and buy food.

Buying the food isn't really the problem, it's once I get home. See, I've been buying a lot of chicken, because chicken is cheap and my husband will eat it. (Unlike, fish, which is actually expensive and Todd won't touch) I buy chicken in huge packages and I have to divide them down into smaller packages, so I can freeze them

The cats without fail, seem to believe that I will eventually give in and feed them our their chicken. It doesn't matter that I have never done it before for them, in their minds, hope springs eternal and every Wednesday is the Wednesday I will totally forget my mind and just drop the entire package of chicken on the floor.

Today, of course, was no exception. We came home with the weekly food, which included two packages of chicken. Split the packages, we have four meals. That and noodles...well, I can make 45 dollars worth of food last us a week or more. And today I did even better, because I was able to buy a couple packages of frozen drumsticks, which are even cheaper. The downside being that once they thaw, you'd better cook them right away, but since I mostly crockpot cook, I just toss the suckers into the pot still frozen. Cover with something, either italian dressing, or tomato sauce and let them cook all day.

So, I start preparing the chicken, which isn't easy to do, because I have two cats in very close proximity and both of them are screaming at the top of their leather lined lungs. Goten is going "MERRROFF!"

Chrissy, of course, is going, "SQUAAAAALLK!" cause, well, that's her favorite noise to make. "SQUAAALLLK!" It sounds sorta like someone poked her with a pin and is slowly letting the air out of her.

Todd tries to help by scooting the cats away from me, a trick that works for only five or so seconds, before they slip merrily past him and right over to my side again. "MERRROFFF!" and "SQUAAAAALLLK!" fill the kitchen. Ah, such joyous noises they make unto the Lord.

Yes, temporarily, I am The Lord to my cats, as I am working with the Food Divine. The Mana from Heaven, better known as Perdue Chicken Drumsticks. I've got my foil out and I'm separating the chicken into meal size packages. As usual, I'm ignoring the cats, or at least trying to ignore them. They don't make it very easy.

Finally, as I'm turning to put some of these packages into the freezer, Goten decideds that again, I'm not doing my job as a benevolent diety, because it looks like I will be putting the chicken away and not giving any to them. So, he gets even closer determined to block my path to the freezer.

Chrissy sees this as a perfect moment to make her move, and she decides to lean over, and hook her dangerously sharp claws into my fragile legs.

As the hot blood begins to ooze down my legs, I yelp in pain and indeed drop the package of frozen chicken...

...right on her head.

And when I say right on her head, I mean square, right on her head. Six frozen drumsticks.

FYI? The noise of frozen chicken hitting a cat's skull is very loud. It almost echos. In fact, I am now suspitious that Chrissy has no brain, as the noise did sound like something hard hitting something hollow.

And it was a good, head on thud, because she was so involved in trying to preforate my leg, that she never even saw the chicken legs rushing to meet her skull.

The force of the frozen chicken of course caused her to rip her claws further down my leg. But, once she got loose, she just stopped and stared at me.

I stared back. We both gaped at each other in horror. Me, because I was worried that ruined the chicken been seriously injured. Her, because she suddenly was strickened with Chicken Little Syndrome.

"Oh my God the SKY IS FALLING!"

"Chrissy, are you okay?" I ask, bending down to see if she is. Meanwhile, drops of blood are falling from my legs onto the floor. I scoop her up. She, just adoring being held the way she does, reacts in her usual loving fashion, which is to now sink her claws into my boobs.

I try to inspect her, she proceeds to kick and claw until I am forced to drop her. I figure if she can fight that much, she must be just fine. She hits the floor and runs off.

Meawhile, I notice the package of frozen chicken has disappeared.

Todd goes into the bathroom. I hear, "What the heck?" and then Goten comes running out. A few minutes later, Todd comes out, holding the package of frozen chicken, a happy grin on his face. "I believe this would be better off stored in the freezer, rather than the bathroom floor, don'tcha think, hon?"

My eyes narrow. "Shut the hell up, kay?"

The ending to this happy tale? Goten his hiding from us, and Chrissy is sitting on top of the sofa, giving me the Kitty Look Of Doom every time I go anywhere near her. And, should I forget that she is Most Unhappy and pass by the sofa without looking in her direction, she rears up, shakes her left paw at me and goes...

"SQUAAAALLK!"

In other words, things are perfectly normal around here. God I love my cats.
Tags: cats, chrissy, goten
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