Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,
Darqstar
darqstar

  • Mood:
I have good days and bad days. This is one of the bad days. I can't distract myself, I can't stop obsessing about smoking. No, I haven't quit yet, but the last three days I smoked 5-5-4. And I didn't do too bad with that either. 14 Cigs in three days. Not bad at all.

But, today I've already smoked four and I really want another.

I hate this, I really do. Makes me think I'm never going to do this if I'm going this stir crazy and I'm still smoking at this point. What happens when I don't have any more, ever?

Bah... cross that bridge when we come to it... today is today, we'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. But it's just awful knowing that after all this trying, that I could sit down and chainsmoke a pack with very little trouble.

I find that if I can find something to totally focus on, it helps, but today the focus just isn't there. Maybe because it feels like it's about a million degrees outside, so it's hard to concentrait. However, this whole week is supposed to be like that, so I'll have to find a way to work around it.

It's days like this when I wish we had a bathtub, I really do. It's so darned hot that no matter what you do, you sweat. I've got a towel on my office chair because just sitting in it, I was getting it soaked. Some June this is. I shudder to think what August will bring us.

And clearly I am in a cranky mood right now, so before I spread my bitch all over the world, I'll end this.
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