Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,
Darqstar
darqstar

Screw world hunger. Screw the situation in the middle east. Screw same sex marrages, I wanna talk about something that's really important.

What the heck happened to chocolate chip cookies?

When I was a kid, about the best "store bought" chocolate chip cookies you could get were Chips Ahoy. Oreos were good too, but they weren't chocolate chip cookies. Oh sure, the stores sometimes tried to immitate Chips Ahoy cookies, with their own brand, often called something lame like "Chips Ohho!" or "Chips Away!" But, back then store brands really were lousy quality and the cookies always seemed to taste like dog biscuts with this chalky stuff that was supposed to be chocolate chips, but tasted more like flour, mixed with Palmer chocolate. You know what I mean, right? Palmer chocolate is that stuff that comes out for Easter. It decorates your easterbasket and holds such promise of chocolate goodness, but it always tastes gritty and not quite like chocolate.

So, for years, if you wanted chocolate chip cookies that didn't taste like they came out of the wrong end of the Pilsbury Doughboy, and your mother was not going to make you homemade chocolate chip cookies, because damn it, she works too hard keeping a house and home together to catter to your every little whim... you were stuck with Chips Ahoy. And it wasn't that bad either. There big "hook" was "A chocolate chip in every bite!" And it was pretty much true. Oh, sure, it might only be one chip per bite, but often times it was even two! Good stuff.

About the time I reached Jr. High, two things happened... Mom trusted me with the oven, so I could darned well make my own cookies. So, Chips Ahoy cookies were rather forgotten by me. Until I was about 16 or so, and for a brief period of time, discovered illegal drugs. Smoke a joint or two and suddenly Chips Ahoy cookies are the best food you ever ate. Then again, smoke pot and suddenly Tab is the ulitmat soft drink and those little pink erasers at the end of a pencil make a darned good substitute for chewing gum.

(Speaking of Tab, they actually sell it at Stop and Shop. I bought it the other day. God, we've come a long way in the diet soda field. Tab is disgusting and still leaves a 5 hour aftertaste in your mouth.)

Anyway, except for that brief time when I was doing drugs (it was brief, honnest) I sorta forgot about Chocolate chip cookies. Until the other day, when I decided I wanted some.

Apparently, Kebler has joined in the Chocolate Chip cookie war, because Chips Ahoy and Kebler have these very similar containers of cookies, right down to the colors. And, instead of just one kind, there are nine hundred million of them. There are the "traditional" There are "Chocolate lovers" There are "With white fudge chunks!" "With Candy!" I'm waiting for, "With Anchovies!" I swear, if they think there's a market for it, they'll do it.

I decided to go with "Traditional" because to be honest, all these choices scared the bejeebers out of me. I mean, they're cookies folks, not the gift of the Magi. C-o-o-k-i-e-s. They won't walk your dog, or make your coffee. They won't bring world peace or cool down your house when it's hot. They just provide some form of satisfaction for your mouth while you're eating them, then cost you time in the gym.

I took them home and opened the package and ate one...

It was weird... I mean, the chocolate was pretty good, but there was pretty much no cookie. I looked at the package where it cheerfully advertised "Now with more chips!" As it turns out, the cookie isle is what my husband stocks at his job, so he told me that apparently Keebler and Nabisco (or whoever makes Chips Ahoy) have been locked in a deadly battle to see who can get the most chocolate chip cookies sales, the results of this being that Keebler says, "Now with 10% more chips!" And Chips Ahoy must respond with, "Now with 20% more chips!" and so on and so forth.

Now, I did not buy the "chocolate lovers" package with "even more chips!" I bought the standard package. The supposedly ordinary bag of cookies. And I swear, it's 99% chocolate, 1% cookie and I'm being generous.

Don't get me wrong, I love chocolate, but this is a bit much... it's been very hot here, and I've got to keep these cookies in the freezer, least they melt all over the place.

I gotta figure the next time when Keebler feels obligated to top this, they aren't even going to bother with the cookie at all. You'll just open up the package and find a big old wad of chocolate in there. Maybe some cookie guts at the bottom for the sake of show, but mostly a big wad of chocolate.

Might as well just buy a Hershey bar. Better chocolate anyway.
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