Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,

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Please forgive me, if this sounds snarky, it is not meant to be.

This is not meant to sound insulting, mean, or critical. I have an honnest question here, and I'd like it if anyone can shed light on it.

As I have mentioned, I go grocery shopping a lot, because I hate it, and I'd rather pick up 3 things 3 times a week and only take less than an hour, than to pick up 500 things once a week and spend 6 hours.

With this odd habbit, I get to see a lot of people shopping. And, I've noticed something.... parents will constantly ask children for input on something, then, when the kid gives the input, it's promptly rejected.


It goes like this... (This is actually today's example) Mother and two daughters are in the ice cream section. Mother is looking over the brands. She notices Edy's is on sale. She looks at her daughters and says, "Do you want ice cream?"

Daughters are busy amusing themselves by playing some hand clapping game. No, they are not being obnoxious, they are quietly amusing themselves. But, when Mom asks, they immedietly conclude ice cream would be a darned good idea, and agree. Then they go back to their game. They do not seem to care about what flavor is picked, as long as they get ice cream.

Mother looks over the flavors and says, "What would you girls like?"

The girls debate for a few seconds, one wants chocolate, one wants coffee. Then, the older one goes, "Hey, mint chocolate chip!" The younger one's eyes light up and she agrees. Both girls chirp happily, "MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP, PLEASE!"

Mother goes, "No. How about fudge brownie swirl?"

Older one goes, "The brownies hurt my teeth. Can we get mint chocolate chip? Please?" Not overly whiny either, she's just stating facts. And, I have to agree with her on the frozen brownie bits. They can hurt your teeth when you bite down on them.

Mother goes, "No." Then grabs the container of fudge brownie swirl and puts it in the cart.

I see this stuff all the time, from ice cream to breakfast cerial, etc and I have to wonder, why do parents ask kids for input if they are going to reject it? I mean, I could see when the kid picks something the parent knows he/she won't eat, such as banana flavored Mappo, just because it comes in a shiny, pretty, box. But...if your kid always picks stuff they don't like, then don't even bother to ask.

I can see when a kid starts going, "I want this, I want this!" and a parent goes, "No." That's called teaching a valuable lesson, which the Rolling Stones taught me. "You can't always get what you want." And it's a good lesson to learn.

But...if the parent is not going to even allow the child's input to be considered, then why even bother to ask for it? As in the case of the ice cream, the kids weren't yelling about it. They didn't even seem to care. They were playing "Down down baby, down by the rollercoaster" and having a great time. Mom could have filled that cart with frozen brussel sprouts and liver and they wouldn't have cared. They were asked for input, like their choice would matter, then Mom overruled them.

I have a habbit of putting myself in the place of the kid. And my opinion is... gee, that really sucks. Cause you know, if I wasn't asked, and I found out we had fudge brownie swirl ice cream, even if it wasn't my favorite flavor, I would still be like, "Well, it's not like I picked it, and it is ice cream, so yippie!" But, had I been teased with a choice, got myself worked up with hope for mint chocolate chip, now I have to settle for fudge brownie swirl, then I'd be disappointed.

And, I'm not saying I only see what looks like "bad" parents doing this. The two places I shop have customers from all walks of life. Most of the people I see doing this, act in all other ways like they are good, if not terrific parents. And their kids act pretty normal too, which indicates they aren't being abused or neglected. So, this seems to me to be perfectly normal, acceptable behavior. "Ask my kid what he/she wants, then tell them they don't want it."

I see it at work too. Parents come in with kids and say, "Tell the lady what you want!" And the kid says, "Hot dog!" and the mother says, "No you don't, you want chicken!"

I would understand if the kid said, "I want chocolate cake!" cause Mom might want him to eat more healthy, but I've had kids order healthier things than their parents are picking for them, yet their parents reject their choice. Why even give them one?

I know I have parents on my friends list...if you find yourself doing this, please don't think I'm making fun of you, or playing the game of "Since I have no children, I know I'd be the puuuurrrrrrfect parent, so let me tell you what's wrong with you!" I'm actually asking, because I want some insight as to why this happens. Because to be honest, I think more like a kid than an adult, so I find myself wanting to go to these parents, "Why the heck are you giving a choice, then snatching it away from them?"

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