I went for a walk this morning, something that I'm sure will shock everyone on my friends list. Darqstar? Walk? No way!
But that's beside the point. This post is not about walking. This post is about people at the park.
They have tennis courts at the park. Two groups of two courts each. The court sections are separated by a fence around them. I'm convinced these fences are merely to make it harder for people to get outside to chase their balls, because people regularly shoot balls right over the fence.
But, that's not what this post is about either. At least not people chasing balls. Although, I admit, I am a nice person, who has been known to grab a stray ball and toss it over the fence to spare people the bother of having to run to the gate and around to get the ball, which will come into this story at some point.
Enthusiastic to the point where even in the winter, when they take the nets down, if it's a fairly nice day, they will show up and play. Not all of them, but usually at least 2-4 of them.
Today, it seemed like all the tennis enthusiasts showed up for a day of tennis and fun. They brought cans of fuzzy balls, they brought Dunkin' Donuts coffee and breakfast sandwiches. They brought rackets. They had tennis clothing on. They took over one of the two sets of courts and began taking turns. Eight would play, the rest would watch and eat donuts and drink coffee. It was like a Mini-Wimbleton going on in our park. The group itself was very well manered, except for the occational insult against another member who was performing poorly.
In other words, this was about as a peaceful and American scene as you could get. A nice group of people playing tennis in a city park.
Well, this group isn't the only bunch of tennis nuts our city has, although I think these guys are the most persistant. (And yes, I recognize a few of them, I've been walking in this park since October... so they look familiar) So, while they're having fun, a couple other groups show up, grab the other two courts and start playing. All the courts are full.
Some other people show up and want to play, but there are suddenly no courts.
As I'm walking by, a ball gets lobbed over the fence and dribbles by my feet. I grab it and hurl it over the fence, where it is neatly caught by one of the tennis players, who shouts out "Thanks!" and goes back to playing.
The other people who have shown up last and therefore, do not have a court to play in, come over to me. "Excuse me?"
"Do you know these people?"
"Only by sight."
This is where Darqstar makes a huge mistake. I say, "Why?"
"Because we want to play tennis!"
Okay, I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, I admit it, but I'm not a total retard. But, no matter how quickly I try to get my brain to work, I can't come up with a reason why my knowing the tennis players would help these people get a court faster. So, I further compound my stupidity and say, "Uh... why would my knowing them help you to play tennis?"
"Because maybe you could talk to them and ask them if they would mind giving up a court!"
What I want to say is, "Hell no. You deal with your own issues, I'm walking here." But, I don't. Instead I go, "Well, you could ask them yourselves..."
"We don't want to. But it isn't fair. They're taking up all four courts!"
I shake my head. "No. That group over there with the donuts and coffee, they have been here for quite awhile at those courts. The two groups in this court... I don't think they arrived here at the same time. They might be together, but I don't think so. I think there are three groups playing tennis here."
The woman rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "No, they know each other. They have to. They're all Asian. And everyone knows that they all know each other."
That's right folks, you heard it here first. Every single Asian person knows every other Asian person. And you know this is the truth, because a WASP from Woonsocket RI has told us all!
Okay, I could have done my first reaction, which was to punch her in the face and when she squalked, go, "But I'm Irish, and we all know Irish people like to get drunk and beat people up!"
So, instead I snorted at her extreme ignorance and said, "Really? They do? Every single Asian in the world knows every other Asian? Wow, they must have mythical powers to do that! Or, maybe they hold huge conventions every year, where they all meet up and introduce themselves to each other. Now that you mention it, I have notice there are a couple times of the year when you don't see many Asians around this city...maybe that's when they're having their conventions. I'll bet that's it. They all meet up, introduce each other. Wow, that's amazing when you think about it. There are billions of Asians in this world, and they all know each other! I mean, last count, this city has almost 1/3 of an Asian population, and this city has a lot of people. Even just for all the Asians in this city to know each other, that's pretty darned amazing! They must have to dedicate a lot of time to this..."
Now, keep in mind, that I'm saying this as fast as I possibly can, cause... well, I can talk very fast if I put my mind to it. And, I can talk with a very bright, overly enthusiastic voice, like I'm the world's perkiest tard.
But, finally, I need to draw some serious breath and the woman goes, "That's NOT what I mean!"
That's when the expression changes and the eyes narrow. "Then why say it?"
"Cause you're white, I figured you'd understand."
Yes, just when I feel that whites are being totally screwed in this world, someone comes along and makes me wish I was someone else.
I'm thinking of dying my skin grey. A bland, washed out, grey.
But, I have to admit, there is a small part of my mind that thinks it would be absolutely cool if we had a group of people scattered all over the world that knew every single member of that group, intimately. It doesn't have to be because of race, it can be for any reason. Like, for example, I love Saucony Sneakers. Since they sell Saucony's all around the world, imagine if all Saucony sneaker lovers knew each other and were friends. Even if they lived in East Overshoe, on top of a mountain, if they loved Saucony's, I'd know who they were, their name, their hair color... I'd know them well enough that should I be visiting East Overshoe, I could call them up and invite them to dinner.
Of course, we'd have to keep this all a big secret. And if you ever stopped loving Saucony sneakers, we'd have to kill you, because you Knew Too Much.
Yeah, I'd like to be a part of that.
Oops, maybe I said too much.... if I disappear tomorrow, someone hack my journal and destroy this entry, okay?