Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,

  • Mood:

Oh boy!

Crossposted in dear_customer

Dear Customer,

I really appreciate that you're offering me eternal life and salvation. What a kind and considerate thing to do, to worry about my mortal soul! I mean, all I'm doing is serving you your lunch, and here you are worrying about where I'll spend eternity. I think that goes above and beyond the call of duty myself.

I appreciate your religious tracts too. Very interesting. I do read them.

However, I've been saved for several years. God, Jesus and I, we have our understanding. And sadly, my landlord, the electric company, the IRS, and various other people in my life are far less concerned with my mortal soul and much more interested in getting cold, hard, cash for the services they offer. So, in the future, would you please learn to tip me at least 15%? Don't get me wrong, I understand your concern, but just ask me. I'm saved, really I am. And sure, maybe I'm still a greedy sinner, but I would like to spend the rest of my earth bound days living with a roof over my head, rather than in the streets.

So, your concern, while a lovely gesture, is misplaced. My soul is fine. It's my bank account that needs the boost.

Warmest Wishes
Your Waitress.

(Today's tract told me how much they appreciated my service... it was a real hoot. "You know what it's like to be rewarded by your customers, but let me give you a real reward! Eternal life!" Why do I have a funny feeling that they're saying on their way out, "So, what's she gonna do if she dies, sue us?"

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