Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,
Darqstar
darqstar

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Oh, so *that's* what they mean.

Quick quizz...

1: How many people have been struggling all/most/part of their lives with a weight problem? Raise your hands, don't be shy. If the answer is no, skip to the next post on your friends list. This will probably bore you.

2: How many of you have heard the phrase way too many times, "You must change your lifestyle!" If you have, keep going.

3: Now, have you also heard "changing lifestyles" so many times that inwardly or outwardly you roll your eyes and think, Yeah, get used to a life of eating lettus and celery and even learn to love it. Like that is going to happen? If so, keep going.

4: Have you also heard, often said by the same people who toot the horn of "lifestyle change" that you also have to accept who you are?

5: If so, have you thought this was bullshit? or a contradiction in terms? If so...



I've been hearing the same thing since I was a kid and my mother tried to convince me I was fat, to the point where I actually became fat. "You have to learn to change your lifestyle!" and "You have to accept who you are!"

And most of the time, I've been convinced that those things are for people with wills of iron, who can learn to love rabbit food, never again eat chocolate. And I thought the "accept yourself" was basically telling you that you're never going to have a body like (Insert name of sexy actress/actor/model, who's hot this second).

Well, the second part is true for most of us. But I don't think that's what the real message is.

But today, when I was at Curves, doing my stregth training and listening to their bad remake music, something inside of me clicked. I started out thinking that I'm doing pretty good losing weight. And then I started thinking about how I couldn't wait until I could have my chocolate pudding tonight, because damn it, I really wanted it. Then, my mind drifted to changing lifestyles and I thought, Oh, crap, Darqstar, you're about ready to drool cause you want to have your chocolate pudding. You haven't changed your lifestyle, you still want chocolate!

That's when it all clicked and made sense. You do have to change your lifestyle, and you do have to accept who you are and the two do go hand in hand and you're not going to have one without the other.

Which basically means, for me, that I am a woman who loves chocolate, red meat, pasta, potatoes, bread, and all these things that are fattening. And every time I've tried to lose weight, I've failed, because I've told myself that these are things that I'm not allowed to eat anymore, or at least "Until I've lost X number of pounds"

I think the biggest reason why I've been successful so far with what I'm doing is that I never walked into it thinking I had to change who I was. I knew the first day I started walking, I was going to eat pasta that night. For the first couple months I walked, I did absolutely nothing to change my eating habbits. Just made a sorta attempt not to eat anymore. No big hardship for me, as I'm a big eater. The goal was never to lose weight, it was just to get out of the house and at least not gain anymore weight.

Then, I started to see results. Not much at first, but a bit. So, I figured I could make it better. But, I never told myself "You can't have this!" I told myself, "You can have it, just try to show some control." Which means that yes, I can have chocolate pudding. What I try not to do is sit down and eat 4 containers of it in a sitting. I eat one.

I never tell myself I can't eat four containers of chocolate pudding. And I admit, there are a few times when I've eaten two. There's one time when I ate three... but more nights than not, I eat one. And I'm pretty happy with that. I got my chocolate.

I've ordered desert in restaurants. Not as often, but I probably do once a week.

Yes, of course I'm doing a lot more exercise to help burn out those moments of weakness, which I think is essential. But the big point is that I am changing my lifestyle, while still staying true to me. I still eat the stuff I love. I don't attempt to live on rabbit food. And, the biggest? I am not hungry 99% of my day.

I've been on hungry diets. The misery of the first few weeks woofing down that 2 oz of chicken breast and salad, and still being hungry, while waiting eagerly so I could have my next meal of six carrot sticks and a half a cup of lowfat cottage cheese still sticks with me, and is enough to make me cringe every time I've told myself "I need to lose weight."

And every time I have done that, I've gained it all back and then some.

I've been at this walking and cutting down thing for... 5 months. I still have a long way to go, but this is one diet I'm not hating with a passion and thinking, 'When will it ever end?" I'm actually seeing myself able to do this for the rest of my life. I'm seeing that I can live with most of the time only having one mini cupcake, instead of five, with the occational binge, because that is me.

I can't predict the future, but from what I can see now, I can see myself able to stick with this for life this time. I might not do 5 workouts at Curves per week and try to walk 6-10 miles every day, but I can see even in the future, being able to go to Curves 3 times a week, once I've hit my goals and to walk or work out in the living room for 3-5 miles most days.

I dunno... this is probably stuff that other people have realized for years, but while I've heard the words, I never listened before. I just let it go in one ear and out the other, or took it all wrong and tried to tell myself I was a new person who worshiped lettus.

I really think that this time I'm going to make it.

And, I think that anyone who wants to change their appearance can do it too. And as cliche as it sounds, it really does take "changing your lifestyle and accepting who you are."

Feel free to tell me I'm full of it, or obsessed. *g*
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