Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,
Darqstar
darqstar

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Despite the fact that this day has been pretty sucky...

I did have one really awesome thing happen today that I wanted to mention..

Yesterday when I signed up for Curves they did the whole weight and measure. According to them, I weighed 172 lbs. Now, I had weighed myself at Christmas and I was 179 pounds. Before I started walking, I was 190 lbs.

I wasn't sure if I'd really lost all that weight, because I know scales can vary by a few pounds... so I didn't want to say anything, until I could go to my parents scale and weigh myself. Yes, indeed, I am 172 lbs. This means that since Christmas a time when most people gain weight, I have lost seven pound.

It's especially ironic when you consider that according to a commercial that plays around here, the average person gains seven pounds durring the holidays.

This means I have lost 18 lbs since the middle of October, when I started walking.

And... those Christmas pants that "fit just right" are starting to "fit just a bit too lose" In fact, my mother thought that I should be thinking about a belt real soon.

Just for kicks, I tried on a pair of jeans that I had from before Todd and I were married. I know because I moved them from the old apartment to this one, and we didn't get married until we lived here. I was able to put them on and zip them up. Would I want to wear them for hours? No. Especially if sitting was involved. But I can stand in them pretty damned comfortably. The lable claims they are a 34" waist. I have a feeling they get a little generous with pant waist sizes, because according to the mesurments they took at Curves, I have a 38" waist. And, the pants that are now starting to get too big are supposed to be a 38" waist. But still... I was wearing pants with a 44" waist before I started walking and they "juuust" fit. Even if sizes are bigger than the lable claims, that's still... 6" I've lost from my waist.

Yeah, I'm pretty damned pleased with myself. I just wish I still didn't look so darned lumpy. It's hard to explain, but I just look lumpy to me. Like everything is sliding around. I sure as hell would never be seen in public not fully dressed.

But... I am starting... just starting not to feel so damned fat. I don't feel as if I'm taking up way too much space. I don't feel as if when I walk into a store, people are going, "MY GOD IT'S FATZILLA! HIDE THE FOOOOOOD!"

I don't know why I felt that way. I mean, I know I've still got a long way to go... and I know I'm fat. But, I don't look at other people who are overweight and think that. But for some reason, I've always held myself at a tougher standard. "Well, sure, she can weigh 300 lbs, cause she's got pretty hair and a nice face and she wears her clothes really well, but me? I look like shit!"

So, it does mean a lot to me that I don't feel like I'm the center of negative attention. Would I wear shorts in public if it was hot? No, I'm not at that point. I probably never will be. But at least I just feel.... overweight, I don't feel like this human cow.

So, despite the fact that today sucked in a lot of ways... I at least have that.

Let's hope that going to Curves can help the lumpy feeling on my upper body. Cause I have to tell you... forgive me if this sounds like I have a snotfull of attitude, but my legs are starting to look pretty damned hot.

If they just weren't so darned pale!
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