Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,
Darqstar
darqstar

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Saturday


Okay, I didn't do as well with the walking this week. But darned close. The snow hung me up. Last week I "walked" for 35 miles then I also got in about 3 miles at work and various other activities..

This week, I only did 25.50 miles by going for "walks." However, I did manage to put in 12.12 miles at work and doing other things, including taking a walk in the snow Sunday and shoveling. I found a small parking lot near the house that wasn't plowed. To add a few more steps, I walked around the parking lot, going inward until I reached the center. Then, I very carefully, picked my way out again, sideways, stepping into the prints I'd already made. I wonder if their plow people stared for a moment and said, "What the hell is going on and how did they get out of that?" I felt sorta like those people who make crop circles for fun. No, I didn't do anything fancy, but I did leave a little mystery.

We had snow Sunday. It was supposed to be about one inch, but it was really about five. Not fun at all. So, going to the running track was out of the question. I also knew that Monday would be impossible too, because they need time to clean up the track. So, Monday, I clipped on the Pedometer and walked to the post office. Then, I walked around the Salvation army store (where I got two brand new, I mean still had the tags from the store on them... pairs of "running/walking" pants for 18 dollars.) When I checked the pedometer, I had only done... uhm.. a whopping 37 steps.

Uh... I don't think so. It's 200 steps from my door to the end of the street. So, something had gone wrong. And, I didn't want to walk all around town again, because they hadn't shoveled the sidewalks... nor did I want to walk and not have a clue how far I'd walked, so I did the laundry instead.

Tuesday I worked. It was dead at the start, so I went up to the fuction room (Which is upstairs) and walked around that for awhile. It's 27 steps across and back, so I did that several times. I now am called "Pacer" at work, because when people asked why I was doing that, I said, "I'm nervous, I'm pacing!" Yeah, I explained later, the real reason, but people still joke and call me "Pacer." I rather like it.

After work, I went to the track, where a bit over half of it was cleared off. The other half was a sheet of ice. Not to let that stop me, I counted out how far I could go by footsteps. Till I got to where the ice began, was 300 steps. So, I just walked back and forth on the cleared part to get in a few miles.

Wednesday, we had to drop stuff off at the Shelter and go pick up Christmas gifts. The shelter didn't open until 11:00... then we had to go to Boarders, which was about a 25 minute drive and a total zoo. Picked up two gift cards (for mom and my nephew) and got home.

I hit the track at 3:00. One lousy mile into it, it starts raining... bit, icy drops of rain that sucked major wind, because the air was fairly warm.. then these drops hit you and it was like... well, sorta like walking on a nice, spring day, then having someone dump crushed ice on you. In seconds, my hair, my clothes, were soaked. The person from the town who cleans the track came over and said he really was worried about me walking in the rain, because the track wasn't completely cleared and he was afraid the rain would make the ice even more slipperly. I should have said, "I'll be fine!" but to be honest... I was looking for an excuse, I admit it. Walking in this stuff was a pain. So, I wimped out for the day.

Thursday, I woke up just chock full of guilt! Went to work and walked as much as I could there. And, we got a bit busy, so that helped. The Pedometer still has a habbit of being weird. Sometimes it will register more steps than I take, other times it registers far less. And I seriously mean far less I think I don't know how to walk to be honest. I've had three different pedometers and all of them have this problem. It can't be the pedometers, it's got to be me. But, by doing more pacing and yeah, waiting on those silly customers too, I manage to put in 3 miles. I leave work and hit the track again. This time, I do five miles. I feel slightly better.

Friday I figure I have to make up for the disaster this week is turning out to be, so again, I hit the track and do seven miles. Yay for me! I leave feeling a little better, but know I have a ways to go.

This brings me to today... I woke up early. Todd came home and we went immedietly to Stop & Shop and got food for tonight and did some other things. We got home and it was 9:30. We decided to go out for lunch, but Applebee's doesn't open until 11:30. So, I decided to go for a walk. Went to the track and did 3.25 miles.

We go to lunch and run a couple other errands... including picking up diaper rash ointment and vasiline. Now, before you start thinking there's kinky sex going on at our place... wellllll, I'm not going to answer that. But, I will tell you that the A&D and vasiline had nothing to do with that. Nope, we purchased that because Darqstar is developing chafing under her arms from walking and that's what many people recomend. The A&D is to cure up the rash... and believe me, the stuff works. The Vasiline is to prevent it from happening.

Well, I already knew I'd have to walk this afternoon to get in a good "score" for the week, but I don't want to risk running into the bitches I ran into last week. Yeah, I know, I shouldn't let them stop me, but I just didnt' want to deal with them. So, I walked down to the local park, where I had started doing my "serious" walking in the first place. It's been cleared of ice and snow, so I took a couple laps, fairly slowly, both to warm up and to pace out how big the park is. The first lap took me 875 steps, the second 867. So, I figure one lap is about 870 steps. I managed to do 10,100 steps there. (I did two of the smaller laps, around just part of the park, that are each 270 steps. Yes, I counted it twice and both times it was exactly the same.)

Now, from the errands we ran early, I'd done about a mile. So, today's walking count was 9.25 miles a tad over. Or in footsteps, it was 18,110. I also realized that as of tomorrow, I've been doing this walking thing for 9 weeks. Well... actually, more like 11, but I didn't get serious about it until about October 19. And, really, it wasn't until about the 17th of November that I started walking regularly more than a mile. So, it's been about five weeks since I've walked at least 10 miles a week. I guess that's not too bad when you think about it.

I just wish it didn't seem to eat so much of the day. I have a digital camera, which is a gift from my wonderful brother in law and sister in law. Kodak. I really want to take it out and do some playing with it. Take pictures of the park and use them for icons in my "official" walking journal. But, the problem seems to be that by the time I'm done walking / working / both for the day, the daylight is shot to hell. Yeah, I've been getting up fairly early in the morning, but then Todd comes home and we try to have breakfast and then run any errands we have to run... by the time that's done, it's close to 11:00... or 11:30. If I have to work, then when I get out, I race home, change, and try to hit the track to make up any steps I might have missed for the day. That easily brings me out until it's dark. On the days I don't work, I hit the track earlier, trying to make up for any time I've missed for other reasons, and to put in 5-6 miles if I can.

By the time I get home, it might be around 3:00... I should have about one hour of daylight right? Well... usually I'm pretty tired. I want to rest and stretch out for a bit. Maybe update my journal. By the time I'm done, it's dark out.

I just wonder at times... how much do I have to do? Yeah, it's only been 3 weeks that I've broken doing over 20 miles in a week, but I don't seem to notice any difference. I seem to be about as fat as I always was. Maybe those jeans I had that were really too tight to wear are getting normal. I can zip them up and button the top button, where as last year at this time, I had an elastic hairband wrapped around the button and looped into the button hole, so I wouldn't have to hold my breath when I sat down in them. But... I'm not sure if I want to wear them up to my folks on Christmas, because if we eat a big meal (and yes, we always do) I'm afraid they'll be way too tight again.

I could weigh myself at my folks too, but I've heard horror stories about people who started walking, weighed themselves and found out that they hadn't lost a single pound... what clearly was happening was that it turned to muscle. I don't know if I've developed any of that either. I mean, what I do know is this.. I used to break out the party hats if I could do 4-6 laps at the park. Today, after already walking three miles, I did 10 laps of the park. Was I tired when I was done? Hell yes! Legs were complaining quite loudly. (They always do... but after I come home and do some serious stretching for a few, they calm down and shut up.) But, still, I never could have done that... a month ago. So, I must be improving.

You know what I need? I need for someone I haven't seen in awhile to see me and go, "Have you lost weight?" That's what I need. Yeah, I know, I'm looking for the ego stroke. But, I don't think it's likely to happen. I have a tendency to wear lose and bulky clothes. I've never liked tight things.

Yes, chances are my father will say something at Christmas, but to be honest... Dad is so pleased that I'm walking, that he said something about me losing weight on vacation.. and I strongly doubt I'd lost anything at that point.

I told Todd that at some point I want him to take my picture (With the new, nifty, digital camera, of course!) I think I have a picture of me on the disposable camera I bought... me dressed as a pirate for work. That was when I just started walking. I need to have that developed and put it on my computer. Then, when Todd takes the picture of me, put that one somewhere too... and then, ever few months, take another picture. Maybe doing that I'll see a difference. Cause right now, I think I see improvement, but then again, I never made a habbit of studying my body before, mostly because it disgusted me. I think that I now have space when I put my legs together that I didn't before.. right above the knees until about mid thigh. But maybe I had that before?

No, I know I'll never be thin. I just would like to get to the point where I didn't feel so damned ashamed of myself. When my aunt died, we took some family pictures... me, my parents, my brother and sister in law... my cousins from Washington. My mother has one of those pictures in a frame and I can't stand looking at it. Me and my mother both look... enormous. That's what really opened my eyes and told me how bad I was. I thought my cousin was a tad heavy, but she looks just fine compared to me and my mother. Mother, I understand. That woman cannot lose weight no matter how hard she tries... but me? I finally realize that I wasn't a fat kid, that she was the one who had me believing I was a fat kid all my life... and now that I realize it, I have become a fat adult.

I don't think I'll ever be thin. I'm not aiming to be one of those 40+ year old women with a figure like a 19 year old, that runs around wearing mini skirts and spandex... that's not in me. But, I am very tired of feeling like everyone stares at me when I walk into the room. Like everyone is thinking, My god, look at her! She's disgusting! I'd settle for feeling like everyone is just going, Wow, wouldn't hurt her to eat a few less twinkies!

So, that's my week in walking... I wish I could say that walking is giving me new confidence, but it's really not. Something is going on that I wish I could figure out. At the beginning, I got such a charge out of walking. Not the week I went on vacation, that was a disaster, but a bit before then and after then for awhile. I always felt like I'd done something wonderful, when I walked. "Wow, I did a mile! A whole mile!" or, "Wow, I did two miles!" Now I do 5-7 and I feel like I should be doing more. They say if you want to lose weight, you should aim for 12,000 steps per day... about six miles. That's 42 miles a week. I don't think I'll ever be able to do that... I could manage 10,000 a day pretty easily. That's about five miles... 35 miles a week. But that's just suppose to be to maintain weight. Not to lose it.

No, I'm not eating more. I'm not dieting, I'll be honest about that. But, I am trying to be a bit more careful. Like I wanted ice cream, but instead of buying a half gallon, knowing I'd fix myself huge bowls of the stuff, I bought the sandwiches, (mini ones) which are exactly 100 calories. And, tonight, I'll have one of them. Not five, just one. I figure doing that will help too.

Yes, I'm aware, I'm being impatient... but I do wish I'd start seeing results. And, I wish that taking a day off once in awhile, didn't make me feel like I've thrown everything away and now I have to work twice as hard all durring the week to "make up for it."
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