Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,
Darqstar
darqstar

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If cats wrote the bible....

It would be very short. Genesis would look like this...
In the beginning was me. That's it, me. Nothing existed before I came to be, nothing will exist after I stop breathing.
A cat's idea of the ten commandments would be pretty interesting too...
1: I am the almighty.
2: Thou shall pet me whenever I command.
3: I am the almighty. (it bears repeating, cause those human slaves seem to forget it so often...)
4: Thou shall not allow any other gods (other cats) in the house with me, unless I approve and they understanad that they will always be lesser than me. This is my kingdom.
5: I am the almighty. Bring me tuna.
6: I, the almighty do not care how broke you are. Thou shall never ever ever attempt to feed me the cheap, store brand of catfood. For I am a vengefull god and I shall wreak havok on those who attempt to feed me lesser quality food. Vengence can take many forms, from refusing to allow you to worship me, to deciding your bed is my new litterbox.
7: I am the almighty. Bring me red meat.
8: Thou owns nothing. Your bed, your jacket, your chair, they all belong to me. I just let you use them when I'm not, for I am a benevolant God. And when I decide I do want to use them, thou shall move thy fat, lazy, ass out of my way and let me have them.
9: I am the almighty. I want your my cheese
10: Thou shall stop taking me to the smelly place with slave who sticks sharp things in my skin and jambs other things up my butt. Thou may say it's for my health, but I, the almighty, know the truth; it's a sadistic way of getting thine kicks. I, the almighty shall not tolerate it anymore.
11: I am the almighty. I can't count.
I gotta imagine organized religion would be hard for cats too. Cause no other cats would be your worshipers, they'd all insist on being the worshipee.

And in other cat news... they're taking apart the stairs in my hallway today. (Replacing them) The problem is that removing the stairs means there is a big hole, right down to the basement. When we came home from breakfast, Goten made his hallway escape, and almost fell straight down into the basement. Fortunately, the carpenter managed to catch him with his head.

He's not happy. I would be worried that I was in deep trouble, but fortunately, the landlady opened the door when she heard the screaming and when she was told what happened, she cracked up.

So did I.
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