Really, what a desperate attempt to grasp onto popularity. "Let's find something that 99.999% of people who vote will agree on and make it a protection week. Then, I can look like a good President! See? I care about the same things you care about!"
My fellow Americans... there comes a time when we, as American have to make a stand and that time is now. We all know with the economy sucking major ass right now, and many families having to have both partners working two jobs just to make ends meet, that the days of the good old fashioned home cooked breakfast are out the window. Cereal is now the American standard, as it should be. Cereal isThis post brought to you by Post cereal. Because your best days start with breakfast!
dried up cardboardquick, delicious, and nutritious, once you add all those vitamins and minerals and is thus the perfect food for the busy American family to chose for breakfast, because we all know that a good American will never skip breakfast. It is the most important meal of the day.
That being said, we must also realize that there is a threat on the horizon that gravely endangers every true and loyal American's right to enjoy the breakfast cereal of their choice and that, of course, are The Soggies. Countless bowls of cereal are ruined every day, because just as a good, loyal American sits down to eat his or her breakfast, some distraction arises, such as a phone ringing, or the cat barfing, or a child screaming for help buttoning his or her shirt. The person rises from the table to take care of this problem, only returning to find that their once delicious, crispy cereal has turned into a gluey, lumpy, mess that even a good American dog, for example, a Golden Retriever, wouldn't touch with a ten foot poll.
Some will say this is the natural progression of cereal when it is allowed to sit in milk for too long, but I say that such an attitude is what's wrong with this country. Clearly, to think that the soggies are a natural part of life, is to open the doors to terrorism and moral decay within this country. America was not founded on passive people accepting whatever came at them as "par for the course" or "Part of nature," America was founded on people who believed in decency, believed in what was right, and believed that it is everyone's inaliable right to have a crispy bowl of cereal!
Our forefathers did not not shape this country on the idea that Americans would day after day be forced to swallow soggy cereal. Our fathers, grandfathers, and great grandfathers did not fight in wars so that their children would be forced to turn to poptarts for a quick breakfast fix, they fought for our rights to eat crisp cereal for breakfast every single morning
This is why, as your president, I am urging every one of you to please join me in support of National No Soggy Cereal week. I'm sure if we all stick together, as a nation, supporting what is good and decent, and refusing to just lie down and take morning after morning of soggy cereal, we can nip this problem in the bud, and once again, restore the USA to the proud nation our forefathers meant it to be."