Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,
Darqstar
darqstar

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A memo

To: The world at large, but women in particular.
From: Me.

While I appreciate the need to want to look, feel, and smell your best, it's good to remember at all times that moderation is a blessing in all things.

In particular, when it comes to cheap perfumes and colognes.

The general rule of thumb for women is to put a bit behind your ears and on your wrists with perfume. I'm not sure about the colonge for men ritual. However, I strongly doubt that it involves taking an entire bottle and dumping it over your head.

And yes, when people five tables away from you in a restaurant can smell your cologne or perfume and are gagging, you have on way too much of the stuff. Though you may disagree, I'm going to throw caution to the wind and tell you that people sitting in the table right next to you, should not have to smell your cologne or perfume. In an eating establishment, it's generally assumed that folks would rather smell delicious food cooking, not "Channel #5," "Brute," "Fragrance of flatulance," or "Superslut girl" or whatever scent seems to be popular this week.

And no, cologne or perfume will never be a substitute for bathing. Years ago, yes it was, but years ago, hot water and soap were harder to come by. So, you should never leap into a vat of perfume and then tell yourself that now you don't have to bathe for the next week or two. Also, if your clothes really do smell bad, and you can't take the time to wash them properly, I suggest you wear something else, not dump perfume or cologne on it instead. If you really must wear that particular shirt, and will not take the time to wash it properly, use fabreeze instead to freshen it up. Spray it lightly with lysol if you have to. But perfume never covers up the stench of unwashed human body.

And for God's sake, if you must reapply cologne or pefume, you go into the ladies/mens room to do it. Under no circumstances do you have any right to pull out your perfume bottle in a restaurant, or for that matter, any public place and start spraying it around like you're attempting to destroy killer bees. We know your sense of smell has been totally destroyed from wearing gallons of perfume and cologne all the time, but ours aren't.

No, you don't smell sexy. And the next time you start the napalm cloud of scented death where I'm working, I'm going to pull out my lighter and watch you go up in flames like a gasoline soaked rag.
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