Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,
Darqstar
darqstar

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Don't even worry about the economy. We can do it EBAY!

Is it just me, or is that one series of Ebay commercials, the ones with the ugly guy in them, seeming to slant itself to, "Get on Ebay while at WORK and do your shopping!" Whoo!

I was annoyed at first, but now I'm thinking, this could be a very good thing...

A nonproductive employee that fakes it, is someone the company is paying to be nonproductive. But at some point they'll have to answer to why the work is piling up. If they're clever, they'll say, "I have too much work to do! I can't finish it all!"

So, the company must be forced to hire someone else to help with "all this work."

So, you hire another person to help. And they do the same thing...

Pretty soon 50 people are doing the work of one person and fifty people have jobs. They have money to buy stuff off of ebay. money going into the economy!

And it doesn't end there... now those people who are selling stuff have money, which they'll use to buy more junk. Some will even use it to buy junk just to sell on ebay. But either way, they're buying, buying, buying, which stimulates the economy.

Now, all those folks who are secretly holding down jobs that pay them to really just shop on ebay? Well, since the economy is stimulated, they'll need a raise... which will enable them to do more shopping on ebay!

It's sorta like the Lion King, Circle of Life, shit, but it's the "circle of economic recovery." And you all can take part.



1: Get a job in a big corporation that doesn't block ebay from its computers. Yes, I know, that isn't easy these days, but if you're clever, you can do it. Maybe bring your own laptop in? Tell the boss, "I did that major report at home last night, and I want to print it out."

2: Shop Ebay all day. Buy stuff. You'll need to buy a lot of stuff, because now you'll have lots of free time. After all, you're taking care of all your shopping needs at work, right? That's got to save a few hours. Hours you'll need to fill with more toys. See if you can take this further too. Try to do other shopping online. Find a place to deliver food. The goal of this is to take care of all your needs that you can, at work so all your time, not at work is devoted to playing.

3: Don't get too carried away. Put aside, oh, 1-2 hours a day to actually work at your job. You'll have to show the boss you're doing something when he comes around and asks what you've been doing at your desk for the last two months.

4: Shop on Ebay Work late. Really, even if you're on salary, go that extra mile and stay late a couple hours a day. Let the boss really think you are overworked.

5: Demand your raises, but also push the idea that you really need someone to help you.

6: When you finally get that assistant, show them the secrets of shopping at work and continue the tradition.

Ah, but I can hear you now saying, "Darqstar, eventually, we'll have all the stuff we need, then we won't need to be on ebay as much."

Oh bullshit. You can't have too much stuff. Really. And the more stuff you have, the more stuff you'll want. Eventually, you'll want better stuff. That 2 megapixle digital camera might be nice, but wouldn't you really rather have a better one? Of course you would.

So, now you in turn, can sell your old stuff on ebay, at prices people just coming into the "economic recovery plan" (IE: New people joining the "work force") can afford.

This helps the unfortunate people who don't have jobs where they can shop ebay, but actually have jobs where they're forced to work for a day. Because they'll be the ones making the stuff that you buy, or filling orders for the other stuff you order online.

Yup. Remember folks, the less time you actually work at your job, and the more time you spend shopping and taking care of other personal needs at work, the better off the economy will be. Less productivity, more shopping.

And yes, I know people from all over the world, sell on Ebay, but it never hurt to stimulate the economy of the world, now, did it? Every country could use some extra money.

I know, it will be difficult, but I'm sure if we all pull together, we can do this. I'm counting on all of you to stimulate that economy. And when you're rich and bored, please go out to dinner. I'll be your waitress.

And share the wealth too. Remember, I'm sacrificing, by having a job where I have to work while I'm there, and can't shop on ebay. And since you're getting paid to shop, take some pity on me. Tip me 95%. I promise to spend it all as frivilously and foolishly as possible. Maybe I'll even buy your old stuff on ebay.

We can do this. I have faith in everyone.

Get shopping. Fire up those computers and get to Ebay ASAP!

Well, okay, it's Sunday and most of you aren't working. Wait until tomorrow. Remember, a key part in this plan is to do it from work.
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