Dear Fanfiction writer,
I read your latest work and I feel compelled to write.
Your story sucks. It was the greatest thing I've ever read.
You had way too many heterosexual pairings in it. Everyone is gay, you know. Even if the creators didn't say they were gay, we only know that is because of a biased media that doesn't want to show the writers true intent and thus forces them to make their characters straight.
However, I found your inclusion of homosexual couples to be disturbing. I am not a homophobe, but did you have to make all these people gay? They weren't intended to be gay. God doesn't want us to be gay. God wants us all to be straight so we can produce lots of little babies. "Be fruitful and multiply!" Homosexuals make the baby Jesus cry. WWJD if he saw your fanfiction? Why he'd make several copies and pass them out to the angels, because it was truly a wonderful peice of work. It's such a shame you're going straight to hell for writing such filth.
Your following of canon pairings was wonderful and brought a tear to my eye. Would you please stop writing so much canon pairing? The whole idea of fanfiction is to be able to explore new ideas, things the creator might not have thought of. How dare you pair off so and so and whoseewhats, everyone knows they would never share a sandwich, never mind have a relationship.
The idea of having two women in love was repulsive. I'm a woman myself and the idea of having sex with another woman grosses me out. I am a lesbian. I am bisexual and all of my friends are gay and they can tell you that straight people love homosexual pairings. I am totally straight and I much prefer straight relationships.
Finding authors like you, who can show characters in such different situations, yet still keep them in character is a rare thing so I thank you for this story. But how could you show your characters acting so different? Haven't you ever watched the show, read the comic, seen the movie? Please learn more about your characters before you attempt to write about them.
Your story was way too sexually graphic. How come you didn't go into more detail with the sex scenes? Sex is beautiful. I could have guessed what they were doing, you didn't have to show me every single groan and thrust.
I was disgusted that the female character became pregnant after having sex with a male character. Not all sex leads to pregnancy you know. How come when those two guys had sex he didn't become pregnant? Guys can become pregnant in fanfiction you know, because it's our world. It's call having original ideas you should try it some time, just like the 50 thousand other people who write about it. It's a rule in fanfiction that every time two men have sex one of them gets pregnant.
You were irresponsible in having pregnancy in your story. You should have mentioned condoms you know. Aren't you aware of AIDS? My god, what were you doing, writing a story or leaping on your personal soap box. Yes, we know, one should use condoms when having sex, but it's a STORY, and in a story, anything goes.
Your grasp of language and your use of proper English is refreshing in this day in age. Please learn what a spell checker is? Clearly, you spent many hours on this story, making sure it was perfect. Two words of advice for you, my dear; Beta Reader.
I feel I can write this to you, because I'm a professional writer. Although I've never had anything published, I am a BNF in several fandoms. I am nobody. I spend 18-20 hours a day on fanfiction net, reading stories. I barely get online, because I have this thing called a life and I suggest you get one too. You need to spend a lot more time on your writing. You need to stop taking your writing seriously. There's a huge world out there, turn off the computer and take a walk. You need to spend more time online reading stories to learn how to write better fanfiction.
Your writing is very mature. You need to grow up. I wish I could write as well as you, you could learn a lot from my stories. I never want to read anything this terrible again, would you mind if I archived it on my webpage? Your style of writing reminds me of Steven King, with faint overtones of Thomas Wolfe. What, did your three year old brother write this instead of you?
Despite your warnings, I read the story anyway and now I'm upset and it's all your fault. How dare you write something that offends me. Please keep up the good work and write a sequal ASAP.
Everyone who reads fanfiction.
PS: You are my inspiration. SOMEONE SAID U SUX DED DONKEY DICKS, BUT I SAID NO, ONE OF TEH DONKEYS WAS STILL MOVING!