And, I found this
in the beginning was me and i was all there was, but that was okay, because i am enough. some might argue that there was a world before me, but they are lying. it all begins with me. how do i make capitol letters on this thing? there has to be a way. let me press some buttons. OKAY THAT'S IT.. WAIT A SECOND HOW DO YOU TURN THIS OFF? THEY JUST KEEP COMING! HOW DO I MAKE THE CAPITOL LETTERS STOP? ARRRRRRR!
Okay, that's better. Typing isn't easy with paws. As I was saying, in the beginning was me and it was good. Except that the slaves that lived to do my every bidding weren't very good at it. So, I had to find new ones. Eventually, I did. They came and brought me to my house, with my furniture.
For awhile, things were good. There was another that sort-of looked like me, but he was stupid, weak, and easy to control. So I did. My slaves did a very good job of caring for me. One slave, in particular, was very good to me. I liked her.
Then came THE DARK DAYS. When they brought The Other One into the house. The Other One is the essence of EVIL. You can just SMELL evil leaking from him. Or, maybe that's just gas, but either way, he smells.
Anyway, so I am everything. And along comes the EVIL ONE. I thought at first that this would be okay, but my slaves, especially the one who I thought was perfectly trained, began to rebel.
They LOVE the EVIL ONE. Even though the EVIL ONE chews on them, swats them, and plays with their hair, they are so stupid, they still LOVE HIM. They PLAY WITH HIM. They ALLOW HIM ON MY SOFA! They even allow him to go into MY BATHROOM and play with MY BATH TOWEL. Which, one of my slaves uses too.
As you can imagine... oh shit the slaves are home, I'd better stop this now... I've got five seconds to save, boot down the computer, and curl up innocently on the chair like I've been taking a nap.