I just adore Chick tracts. I really do. I have yet to read one and not find it hysterically funny with it's misinformation and spewing of Hell and Brimstone at every turn of the page. In fact, I think I saw my first one when I was in High School, when it was given to me by someone who saw the Christain stickers in my locker and recognized me as what she thought to be "kindred soul."
I read that tract and thought it was a huge parody, and laughed my ass off. She was duly Not Impressed, which frightened me. Couldn't she see what a joke it was? I mean, I was convinced that the old Chick Folks were doing this as a colosal joke. I mean, they're so badly done, how can you possibly believe someone serious created them?
Unfortunately, the Chick folks are serious.
But that still doesn't stop me from find them hiliariously funny. Even when some of my Christain friends express worry. "Noo, Darq, this is exactly what we don't want... these are the rantings of the foaming lunatics!"
To which I shrug and say, "Yup. And it's stupid. Anyone with half a brain knows it's all stupid and it's all a bunch of bullshit. It's not the openly insane you have to worry about, it's the ones that pose as sane that are the problem. The guy who seems calm and rational, until you get him alone, then little by little he starts berating you for your lifestyle, because hey, he's been there. He's done the drugs, done the sex, but now he's blessed by God and God has given him a mission, to stop anyone else from having their fun. Ever notice most of these happy assholes have the bases covered by telling you, 'Oh sure, I had people try to tell me I was heading down the path to hell, but I wasn't listening!" What they don't add is, "And now I shall force you to listen, so you have no excuse!"
I still run into folks like this occationally, because you see, despite being a Christian, I'm a bad Christain, mostly because of my belief of "Hey, whatever floats your boat, is good in my book, as long as it doesn't involve hurting anyone else. I won't preach unless you ask me to. And if you have any questions, talk to me. I'll try to be rational."
This makes me as Evil as if I were the Patron Saint of Debauchery, dontcha know? Because apparently, I am Not Doing My Job. My Job As A Servent Of The Lord is to Pound The Gospel Into People's Heads.
No thank you. My ideas are too strange to witness. I believe if it's meant to be that eventually someone will question. "What is it with this religion and I want to know more about it!"
And, hopefully, if I know them, they'll come to me. If the questions get too deep, I'll steer them in another direction, someone who is more of a bible scholar, because me and the bible have a bit of a thing going. See, I think the bible has been grossly mistranslated.
But, I'm digressing. Back to Chick Tracts...
This one is classic. Read it. You'll find out things about the evil Rock Music Industry you never knew. Really, I know I was enlightened considerably. Of course, it might be hard to tell, what with the laughter coming from my mouth, but really it's not laughter... I'm just overcome...
Thank you Jack Chick, you have once again shown me the light. And it is good.