January 8th, 2006

Pensive

I guess it's okay for now

Went to visit my mother today. We cleared this by the doctors and hospital, cause I'm still not over that virus. I had to wear a face mask.

The problem is that she's got bruising and bleeding because of being on steroids. There really isn't anything they can do. She also has a hernia, but it isn't extremely urgent. They're saying when she's 100% better, they'll discuss options then.

They're probably going to move her to a respiratory rehab center, because she has pnemonia. She's not happy about this. Now, yesterday, when this whole issue was brought up about her stomach, she cried that all she wants to do is go to the rehab. Now she wants to stay in the hospital. It translates down to one thing, she wants to be better and she wants to come home.

I explained that she should look at the rehab center as a positive step towards getting home. If she was dangerously ill, they'd keep her in the hospital, since they're not, she must be better than she was, even if she's not 100% well. I don't know if she got what I was saying or not.

Her roommate is about her age and apparently, the two of them are quite liked by the nurses. The nurses have nicknamed them "The Golden Girls."

While we were there, we went into the lounge area while the doctor examined her. On the table in the lounge was a box of cards designed to help someone study for an RN test. I started flipping through them, and was tempted to steal it. A lot of information about what to do in different situations. I'm imagining for writing, it would be really useful. It was all indexed and cross indexed. But, I'm a good person, so I didn't steal it.

So, as it stands, Mom is holding her own. I still am not sure her chances of surviving the year. It's gotten to the point where she can never expect to get better. It just isn't going to happen. Yeah, they can treat her pnemonia, but she's never going to be able to go out for long periods of time, never going to be able to do much of anything, to be honest. She's just going to keep deteriorating.

She tried to make some off-the-cuff remark about Dad getting tired of having her around. I told her that's the closest she's ever come to having me bitch slap her. I think that startled her. "Mom, don't even go there, 'kay? When you love someone that's the person you want to be with, even if they're sick. I'd rather be with a sick Todd than a healthy other guy. Dad feels the same way."

What I didn't add was, "Look, when your time comes when you can't take it anymore, that's different. You wanna go then? Go. God is waiting. But don't you dare try to pin it on Dad. Don't pull this, 'I should die to spare your father!' That's just mean. Don't even joke about that shit, cause if you die, Dad will always wonder if he did something wrong, something that lead you to feel that way."

But, it was still nice to see her. I wore a shirt I got for Christmas, which made her really happy.
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    worried