June 17th, 2004

Evil I tell you!

Food and heat.

I'm starving.

I have no good reason to be starving. I ate breakfast. I even had a burger after work. Yes, it's my usual dinner time, and usually I am hungry, but I know the frozen meal I have is not going to cut it.

I want food. This is awful. I want to sink my teeth into a big hunk of meat, tear it to bits, then rip into a baked potato and then, when all is done, rip apart a giant hunk of cake.

Now, I would strongly suspect that the reason for this hunger cravings were that I did walk a lot today, as I have every day, and my body is saying it needs more food. But I seem to have reached a plateau on losing weight. Last month, I even gained a damned pound. I didn't get to worried about it, because while I put on a pound, all my measurements again went down. So, I figured I must have put on some muscle... and, since Todd had been home most of the time and we'd "lived a bit of the good life" that explained things.

I've been better this month, but the doctor's visit said I haven't lost any weight this month.

Yet, I'm hungry a lot more. I can't walk anymore. I'm doing my best to put in 8 miles a day by taking walks and two miles a day doing other things, which is 10 miles a day. I can't increase it. I'm still doing Curves about 3 times a week as well. I don't want to increase that, because when I was going to Curves 5 days a week, all I wanted to do was sleep and eat.

I just wish I wasn't so damned hungry.

And, speaking of the doctor, I'm having the mysterious (Well, okay, it's not so mysterious, but mysterious sounds better than "zit like") lump removed July 14.

I elected to have a local, which means novicane. Not exactly looking forward to that, but the idea of being put under completely just to remove a lump, which is really quite closely related to acne seemed ridiculous. Also, I remember the proceedure Todd had to go through for his knee just to qualify for anethesia, and I'd rather skip that. But, due to steril issues, it has to be done in a hospital.

So, we're going to the same hospital Todd had his knee surgery at, so he'll get to eat Edy's softserve ice cream, while I have the allmightly lump delt with.

I could have kept it. The doctor told me it was my choice. I considered it. I figured I could even give it a cute nickname. "This is my pal, Lumpy!" But... it chafes on my shirts.... it seems to get bigger when the weather is hot and moreso after I've worked out. I can live with a quiet, well behaived lump, but a lump that gets as bitchy as I do when the weather is hot is not gonna stay. We just can't seem to work it out.

Right now, I'm rather calm about the whole thing. As it gets closer, I'm sure I'll be a bit more nervous. But, with any luck, the lump will begin to really act up, and that will remind me that the lump has shared my body long enough and has to go.

But right now, I'm going to go make my pitiful dinner... and cry and whine a lot becaue I know I'm going to finish it and still be fscking hungry.
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