May 29th, 2004


Even when he doesn't try he succeeds.

Okay... I don't think I have to explain to anyone that my cat Goten is a vicious little bastard with a taste for blood. There seems to be a law of nature that says I must have one vicious cat. When I had Remy and Chrissy, it was Chrissy who would just...bite me for no good reason, other than the switch in her brain ticked off, the one that says "I must have human flesh, and I must have it now!"

Well, then we brought Goten in the house. He was sweet and wonderful, until he discovered food. Then, he ate, grew huge, and went insane. Which is a good argument not to feed your cats. If you don't feed them, they won't get vicious. They also won't use the litter box very much. Of course, they'll die, but sometimes I have to ask myself if that is really such a bad thing.

So, Goten and Chrissy switched rolls. Goten became vicious and mean, Chrissy became my love cat. Or, as I like to call it, "The affection whore." She's not like my cat Zaphod, who wanted love 24/7, Chrissy will sometimes go for hours acting like she hates the world, then suddenly she'll get a notion in her head that she needs affection. She'll jump up on the arm of the sofa and squalk until you pet her. And if you stop, she squalks more. If you stop while your hand is in reach, she will lean over and bite it. It's not a hard bite, clearly its mearly a warning. "you were given that hand for one purpose and that is to pet me so get to work before I bite it off."

But Goten rarely seeks much affection and when he does, he's weird about it. Don't pick him up... he hates that. Of course we do pick him up... for precisely that reason. We gotta let him know that despite the scars we carry, we're still the bosses. We have the power. We control the food. We can shut off the fresh bubbly fun water by slamming down that lid. We can pick him up whether he likes it or not.

He prefers to get his affection on the floor, standing just to the point where it's uncomfortable to lean down and over, where you have to stretch your finger tips to stroke him. And, just so you know for sure that it is affection he wants, he will make cranky little meows and rub against the coffee table, or my shoes, or anything else that's handy, clearly letting us know he wants affection.

Oh yes, if you rise from your seat, or shift so you can reach him easier to give him this affection, he will promptly run off, then come back eight seconds later and position himself a bit further. Repeat.

But, most of the time, Goten could skip affection. He doesn't mind the occational pet, cause it's easier to then wrap his claws around my arm and sink his teeth into my flesh. You know that flap of skin between the thumb and the index finger? That very thin, very sensitive, almost membrane like peice of skin? That's his favorite place to sink his teeth. None of those pesky bones to spoil his fun, just pure flesh and blood.

Well, today, I went for my walk. After I finished I went to Salvation army, where I got a pair of shorts I can wear to work for only two bucks. They're dockers too. This is the second pair of dockers I've found at S.A. They are the brand of choice where I work, so I'm pretty happy. I also found two pairs of those mesh type shorts. Yes, they have a lining, I'm not going to walk around in sheer mesh shorts... but they're both Champion brand. Since Champion usually sells for pretty big bucks, I was thrilled to see they had them, still with the tags, for five bucks each. I was even more thrilled to find out that they had yellow tags, which meant they were half off.

It's the little things that make life good, you know?

So, I come home with my purchases... put them in the hamper for washing before wearing. Do my "walking journal" and relax a bit... look over old entries.

And the next thing I know it, Goten is at my feet, raisied up on his hind legs, little paws on my knees, looking at me with big, wide, eyes, like some anime version of a cat.

I look down at him. "Hi Goten... what do you want?"

He gingerly pats my knees a few times, the leaps up onto my lap.

I, being the slave generous, kind, loving owner I am, gently reach out and stroke his head. He seems to like this... so I stroke more. He likes this even more. I work down to his shoulders. He begins to purr, deep and loud, and sink his claws into my shorts over and over again. But, for once, the tips of his claws aren't sinking into my flesh, so I'm rather pleased. Maybe, just maybe, the tide is turning...maybe Goten is learning that humans are not chew toys, but beings who are alive and have feeling and that perhaps, he should be gentler. Maybe this is the beginning of bigger things... maybe I'll have a cat who actually can accept affection without the need to draw blood.

Then he rears back a bit, and slams his head forward, like cats are prone to do...

Just at the moment I'm leaning over...

And he hits me square in the nose...

Causing it to bleed.

His reaction?

"Ewww, what's this icky blood doing on ME? I hate you now! I'm gonna run off and plan my revenge!"

Meanwhile, I swear to god, I saw stars when he connected with my nose. OWWWW!
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