February 4th, 2003


ZING, go away.

Remember Debbie? Of course you do. Debbie is my dipwad neighbor who thinks that MY car is there for her convenience. The one that I ended up taking to Walmart once, and she bought a 155 gallon aquarium that we had to shove in a Saturn to get home. You know, she only needed the real "necessities of life."

Well, Debbie snagged me again today, on the way to the grocery store and tagged along. I needed a few things. She claimed she needed a few things. I didn't want to take her, but I think of her kid and I think it isn't fair, what if her kid needs food, blah blah blah.

The "few things" turned out to be two carts full. Yes, all on the taxpayers too, cause Debbie gets food stamps. Now, I won't go into that rant, cause that's a rant for another time and another place, but I will say this.... I bought a package of chicken legs for dinner tonight. Debbie bought several steaks, some lobster and some giant shrip, because her boyfriend just loooovesshrimp and it was on sale for 9.00 a pound.

But, okay, I'm trying ot be a nice person here, I'm trying to be considerate and all of that crap and not growl cause her "Few things" translated to "Half the store" but do I have to hear her constant whining the entire freaking time?

Prices of food is outragous. It isn't fair that she can't get paper goods and tapons with food stamps (I actually do agree that toilet paper and feminine napkins should be able to be purchased with food stamps, but not when she's got a live in boyfriend making damned good money.) She needs an increase in her food stamp budget, because it doesn't cover the basic necessities and sometimes *gasp* at the end of the month her boyfriend is forced to buy food out of his paycheck! so they can eat.

I'm playing my favorite game of going, "Mmmmm," a lot. Trying not to mutter under my breath about this. But honestly, all I'm hearing is "You know what would make me happy?" It's a fun game. And you don't even have to worry about supplying an answer to the question, because Debbie is happy to give it to you.

"Do you know what would make me happy? If instead of food stamps they just gave you the money and you could choose how to spend it."

"Do you know what would make me happy? If they gave women on welfare free auto insurance so we could afford a car."

"Do you know what would make me happy? If the state would let me get a house and pay the morgage. We've done some figuring and between what I'm paying and they're paying for rent, we could almost swing a morgage. Wouldn't it be better if Welfare paid for me to have a house?"

And that one I balked. "Why do you deserve a house? You don't work."

"Because I have a child. Children should grow up in a house, not an apartment."

As the steam started coming out of my ears, I went back to, "Mmmmm"

And it's not just Welfare getting it's act together and giving her everythings she ever wanted that would make her happy. Oh no.

"Do you know what would make me happy? If my boyfriend stopped drinking so much."

"Do you know what would make me happy? If the landlord would paint our place."

"Do you know what would make me happy? If we could have a dog. I love dogs."

"Do you know what would make me happy? If winter was over and it was nice and warm. But not too warm."

Through the whole store I heard this. The whole checkout line and then the whole way home.

We get home and naturally, she expects me to help her bring the entire carload of food up to her place. And, like a total freaking idiot, I do it

When the last load is up, and I'm catching my breath, she tells me, "We can't talk to loud. It's my boyfriend's day off from work and he has to sleep."

What the hell? I have taken this girl to the store, I have lugged her food up her 4 flights of stairs so her boyfriend can sleep? Oh, it also turns out that on boyfriend's days off, her son gets shipped off to spend that day with Deb's mommy so he can rest and not worry about the child crying. *snort*

So, I glare at her.

Totally oblivious to the death rays I'm sending out with my eyes, Debbie goes, "Do you know what would make me happy?"

I interrupt. "No, Debbie, I think it's time you heard what would make me happy."

This totally shocked her and she got that "stupid, vacent, 'I'm a cow' look" on her face. But finally I guess she remembered that she's not the only one with wishes in this world so she said, "What would make you happy?"

"If your mother had used more reliable methods of birth control."

Her response?

"I don't get it!"

When I left to go home, I slammed the door shut. As I got down to the first floor, I could hear her boyfriend yelling about being woken up. (This was about 4:00 in the afternoon and he works a normal day job.)

Guess what? Yeah, that made me happy.

Thanks for the aplause, I'll see you in hell.
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