September 11th, 2002


Wha... wha... what?

Goten just came running into my office with something shiny in his mouth and dropped it by my feet.

It is a razor blade!.

That's right a razor blade. One of those ones you put in a case cutter.

I didn't even know we had such a thing in the house, never mind where the cats could find it.

But it does bring up a question... does he want to commit suicide or does he want me to?

*Sigh* Now I have to go searching the house for razor blades.
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    KISS - 100 Thousand years.

My reasoning...

...Or, why isn't Darqstar doing a long weepy post about this date?

Because last year was a double whammy. One was personal, and we've survived. Countless others didn't.

Because last year at this time I was in cold, shaky sweats and felt as if I couldn't breathe. I felt as if my emotions had been cut off and as if I was drowning in a sea of jello.

Because last year on this day, despite the numb, was the worst feeling I think I'd ever had in my life.

And I'd rather not make myself feel that way again. But if I reflect on it too long, I will feel that way again. And, the sad part is that in that state, I'm helpless. Not mad, not ready to do anything to help, just totally helpless.

If this makes me evil in your eyes, that's your right and I respect it.
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