Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,

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I am going to start my own religion.

Since I don't officially have a church I belong to, having been totally turned off by most organized Christian religions, I have no choice but to start my own. However, this will not be an ordinary church, cause in my church we play by my rules. And I shall call it...


1: Thou shall not waste thy breath witnessing to those who didn't ask

This is simple. Unless you're living in the middle of nowhere or on some distant planet, you can assume anyone you meet has heard of Jesus Christ and God. Therefore, you are under no obligation to tell them about him. Trust me, someone has beat you to it and chances are thwacked a bible over their heads several times so merely the mention of our savior's name will cause them to break out into hives. Instead, you will respect their right to believe what they want. Yes, if asked, you will tell them you are a Christian, but you will let it go at that.

2: Thou must be the person thine is every day of the week
If you belong to my church, I expect you to be the same person on Sunday as you were on Saturday, Monday, and every other day of the week. Anyone caught behaiving as if they are extra perfect on Sunday, yet on Monday they are suddenly a greedy SOB, shall be excommunicated from the Church Of Common Sense, Damn it, and taunted accordingly on their way out.

3: Thou shall do thine witnessing by deeds, not by words

We shall have one central theme song to the church and that is They shall know we are Christians by our love and we shall follow that to the nth. This means you are not allowed to be obnoxious and rude to anyone, whether they share your faith or not. Even if someone was to tell you that they are Devil Worshipers, while you have the right to (POLITELY) ask them about their faith, you do not have any right to tell them they are wrong, they are going to burn in hell, that their actions make "the baby Jesus cry" Jesus died a man, not a baby, so when you say that, you look like an absolute idiot. Instead, you will show him that you are tollerant and understanding of their beliefs.

4: Since tolerance is to be shown to every religion, thou shall have the right to expect tolerance in return

Thusly, anyone of any other faith who proceeds to belittle you for believing in Christ, you do have the right and even the obligation to go, "Excuse me, I am doing my best to respect your faith and perhaps even to learn more about it. Please extend me the same right." We shall not hide, we shall not be embarassed by our faith. Just because some idiot thumped so many people on the head with bibles before we came along, does not give anyone the right to judge us. And when seeing our religion being bashed we have every right to ask that others respect it. In every branch of faith there are always those who feel they should act as the spokesmen and ruin it for the rest of us. If I am expected to be tolerant and respectful of the muslim religion because the terrorists are being "Fanatical" then others had better understand that Christianity has it's fanatical branch as well, but not to judge all of us by the nutjobs.

5: Thou shall remember at all times that a Christmas trees is a stolen concept

Christians did not invent the Christmas tree, we simply stole it and renamed it. Therefore, do not cop attitude for anyone who does not follow any religion or does not follow Christianity for hanging up a Christmas tree. It is their right. We don't see Pagans foaming at the mouth and screaming because we stole it from them, do we? Offer the same courtesy. Realize that a Christmas tree while religious to us, has different meaning for others.

6: Anyone of any faith shall be welcomed with open arms at our worship services

In fact, folks with beliefs that differ from ours shall even be encouraged to come to our services and talk to us about their religion. Education is a better tool than ignorance and therefore, let's avoid this whole, "All Pagans are devil worshipers." and "All Jews are Christ killers" attitudes and actually take the time to learn. Jesus loves you, learning about other religions will not take God's love away from you. And, should the day come where you and someone else wish to get into a spirited debate comparing different religions, you will come across a lot better if you don't spout off saying things that simply aren't true.

7: Church and state are separate

Prayer does not belong in schools, nor should it be forbidden. If a student wants to pray, let them pray. However, schools should never say, "This is the time to pray." That is enforcing beliefs on other people. Religious training is not to be the obligation of schools at all, unless it is a private religious school. Children attending public school are expected to get their religious training from home and church. This goes for any religion, not just Christianity. If a teacher cannot talk about how he's glad to be a Christian, neither is a teacher allowed to discuss how he's glad to be a Pagan, Jewish, or Frisbeetarian. (Worship of Frisbees) This will be the official stand of the church. Anyone caught complaining to their local public schools that they should allow prayer or anything else of a religious nature will be doing so of their own accord and will not have the backing of The Church Of Common Sense, Damn it.

8: No sermon is allowed to be more than ten minutes in length, unless everyone is laughing

If you can't get your point across in ten minutes, give it up. Now you're just boring me and everyone else. However, if you're an entertaining speaker and people are enjoying listening to you talk, you will be allowed more time. But if people start yawning and drifting off to sleep, you will shut up, or be dragged away from the pulpit by your hair if needed.

9: Thou shall not look for things to bother you

Yes, if you try real hard, you can look for all sorts of things in the media to upset you if you try hard enough. Lighten up. Know that if you write a thousand nasty letters to the producers of South Park, condeming them for the TV show, they will try all the harder to make it even more offensive. Instead if something bothers you, ignore it. Show absolute boredom in it. Trust me, the fastest thing to make something go away is to be bored with it. The fastest way to get it to flourish is to talk about it all the time. Even if the talk is negative, folks will feel obligated to check it out just to see if they agree with you.
Yes, I take a hard line on some things, but I'm tired of Christianity being the "new meaning" for "foaming lunatic." We have the right to celebrate our religion as long as we aren't slaming folks in the face with it and as long as we respect others to be allowed to do the same.

It boils down to this. "Don't insult me, I won't insult you." But by the same token, if you do insult me, I have the right to let you know you have. I don't have the right to pitch a hissy fit about it, but I have the right to let you know you offended me and why.

The big thing I want to make clear with my religion is that it's our job to try to counteract a lot of the bad that's gone down in our Savior's name. By being sensible and respectful, maybe we can undo some of the damage that's been done in the name of Christ. Because I agree with Pat Conroy who said, "Christ must do a lot of puking when he sees some of the 'good works' done in his name." Jesus Christ has not "gone bad." It's just the religion that's got a lot of problems. It will be the job of my church to start showing the good.

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