Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,

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My reasoning...

...Or, why isn't Darqstar doing a long weepy post about this date?

Because last year was a double whammy. One was personal, and we've survived. Countless others didn't.

Because last year at this time I was in cold, shaky sweats and felt as if I couldn't breathe. I felt as if my emotions had been cut off and as if I was drowning in a sea of jello.

Because last year on this day, despite the numb, was the worst feeling I think I'd ever had in my life.

And I'd rather not make myself feel that way again. But if I reflect on it too long, I will feel that way again. And, the sad part is that in that state, I'm helpless. Not mad, not ready to do anything to help, just totally helpless.

If this makes me evil in your eyes, that's your right and I respect it.

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