Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,

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Come one, come all and see the freak!

Only me, folks, only me...

I just returned from a neighbor's apartment. I saw her going in to her place and remembered I had a book she wanted to borrow, so I decided to bring it over.

When I went inside, I saw she had a couple other people over. One, I believe was her sister, the other was a girl I used to work with. So, I sat down to have a smoke and chat for a moment.

As we were talking, I noticed "Sue" had a huge bandaid on the back of her leg. Being the obnoxiously curious person, who can easily disguise herself by feighing concern, I asked her what happened. She told me that she was shaving her legs and got startled by something, twisted the razor and cut her leg pretty bad.

Well, you'd think the floodgates had opened, because suddenly the other two women's eyes lit up as they realized they had a brand new audience who had never heard their shaving war stories. Fighting each other for control of the floor, they proceeded to tell me of the many near life-threatening injuries they had obtained while shaving their legs. Complete with visuals of various scars that still lingered. Y'know, I never realized what a deeply female bonding issue shaving your legs could be.

After a bit, they noticed that I was remaining strangely silent in the midst of these gorry tales. Sue asked me what injuries I sustained. I told them that I had nicked myself a couple times when I was younger, but nothing serious. Sue then asked how often I shaved my legs. That's when I made my mistake.

I said, "The last time I shaved my legs was on my wedding day." (which will be ten years this october)

You would have thought I said I had a nasty contagious staph infection, the way they all looked at me, eyes wide in shock and moved futher away from me.

Let me explain. I am the palest person I know. While the hair on my head is a dark red-brown, the hair on my legs is very short, very very sparse, and white. You can't see it, there isn't enough there to notice it.

Because of my paleness and extreme sensitivity to the sun, I rarely wear shorts. If I wear skirts, I wear nylons. I'm really rather disgusted by the paleness of my legs and worried that no matter how much sunscrean I use, they will burn to a crisp.

Given these facts about me, is it that shocking that I don't shave my legs? I mean, all it does is irritate my skin and no one can tell if I have or not, but it seems pointless.

Apparently, these women didn't think so. Apparently these women think it's a badge of honor to scrape and cut their legs to bloody ribbons on a regular basis and hairless or not, I owe it to females everywhere to undergo the same ritual myself.

I was afraid if I stayed much longer, they would either insist I get a sex change or forceably drag me into the bathroom and shave my legs to two bloody pulps. So, I mumbled some excuse about needing to brush my cat and left.

I'll bet they are still talking about what a freak I am.

You know, a lot of guys I've known have told me they don't understand women. And even though I am considered a member of the tribe, I have to confess, a lot of times I don't understand them either.


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