Darqstar (darqstar) wrote,

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Here's a good one, Madison Ave...

W A R N I N G ! ! This post deals with issues some people, in particular a lot of men, find squeemish. No, I refuse to go into intimate detail, but I don't want to get comments of "Ewww, Darqstar, how dare you talk about such things! You have been warned.

I had to go to the store today and rather quickly. Why? Because a certain joyful event that happens every twenty-eight days in my life happened once again and while I thought I had plenty of supplies for this event, my habbits again failed me. A while ago, when I found a decent sale, I had bought several boxes of.. well, let's be blunt pads, and lulled myself into my usual false sense of security that I was set for life.

WRONG! I thought I had another box, but I didn't. So, it's look in my suitcase for the real emergency stash and run to the store.

Oddly enough, my husband wasn't at all excited about this trip and elected to stay home and watch TV. Lucky devil.

I went to the store and started strolling the isles, hoping, nay, praying, I would find a sale. Not just because I love to save money, but because it takes the decission of what brand to buy out of my hands. I don't have to stand there, reading box after box, trying to remember those commercials. "Now, which ones held the most blue liquid, never leaked and had the biggest wings? Which ones will make me feel fresh, happy, totally complete as a woman? Which ones will feed my cat, water my plants and wash my car for me? Which ones will make me a better human being? Was it Always or StayFree?" (Why do they call them wings folks? Do we really think we're going to take a little flight around the block once we have these things on???)</i>

And since my day was already going like crap, they had no sale. I was forced to find another way to pick what to buy. Scard half to death that I would be forced to remember those commercials, I looked frantically for something else to inspire me to the type I would buy. A pretty color, a tiny voice inside my head, "I am the feminine hygene Fairy, Darqstar, and I decree you should buy brand X!"

Finally, I saw something on taped to one of the boxes. A free sample of something. I hurried over, thinking I had found something that would take care of the problem. A free sample would appeal to the "cheap bitch" part of me, and it would make the decission for me.

The "free sample" was for a specially formulated "Woman's vitamine."

I use a vitamine, but it's a special vitamine and I have no desire to switch. So, the free sample did no good.

Discouraged, I shook my head. Determined not to remember the commercials, I simply grabbed a box because it was the least offensive looking and headed to the check out.

It was saturday morning, so as you can guess, the lines were huge. Every single human being in my city and several they imported from local cities were in doing their shopping. Needless to say, it gave me time to think.

Mostly I thought about why anyone would put a free sample of vitamines on a box of pads? I mean, vitamines are not instant acting, at least I've never found them to be, so one free sample is not going to convince me these are the vitamines for me. I'd need at least a month's supply to give me an idea. So, I have to say it was a useless promotion.

Then it hit me. Advertising people, take note. If you want to convince someone to buy your pads over another brand, you need something that will grab them. Don't use vitamines, or samples of hand lotion, while these things are nice, we probably already have them. Give us something we want, we really need at this time. Something that even if we already have some at home, we can always use another one. Something that will give us happy memories, which we'll associate with your particular brand of pads...

Give us a freakin' CHOCOLATE BAR! Preferably Dove, or Symphony. Or, if you really want to wow us, a small box of Godiva chocolates would be lovely.

Had you done that, I would have bought six boxes of your product today...

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