I'm going to take a shower. Then, I'm going to go to bed and attempt to sleep.
I have to be up in two hours to drive up to my folks. I don't even know if they want me to go with them, now that my father is going, but we're going up to see if my mom wants us to.
I'm scared. I'm more scared then I've been in a long time. Even 9/11 doesn't compaire to how I feel now.
I'm 40 years old, and I'm not ready to say goodbye to my mother. And I'm scared I'll have to, sooner than I thought I would.
I remember when I was a teenager and we thought my mother was going to die. (She was hemoraging something fierce and the doctor's didn't know why) Someone told me then that at times like these, I should sit back and count my blessings.
They were so full of shit they squeaked. No ammount of blessings in my life can make up for the fact that my mother might be dying. NONE AT ALL.
Now, if you'll all excuse me, the shower is calling and it's a good place to cry.